Everyone's Blog Posts - Throw Out Fifty Things

Monday Morning Motivator: IN THE END IT'S ALL ABOUT DINNER...

2014-10-13T09:00:00.000Z

IN THE END IT'S ALL ABOUT DINNER...

No really, it is. I mean, it is for me. It starts really early in the morning, usually when I'm running around the reservoir in Central Park with Jim and Willa (our Golden Retriever), and Jim says, "So what do you feel like for dinner? Jim's a really good cook. Really good. He took over most of the cooking - and food shopping - when Kate, our first daughter was born. His chili is so famous that the recipe has been requested by - and given to - scores of New Yorkers who, interestingly enough, know their chili.

But I digress. Back to our daily early morning jog around the reservoir. "How about roasting game hens?" Jim might ask. "Or what about mussels in white wine with crunchy bread?" Or "Wait! I've been thinking about broiled salmon with tomato-arugula salad and broccoli rabe...Hey, maybe we can get Abigail (our younger daughter) and Kate to come..." The minute we start talking about "dinner," I'm okay. Because then I have the endgame in sight. Then whatever "hard" thing I have to handle - writing a speech, conducting a workshop, tackling a particularly challenging coaching assignment - is no longer such a big deal. It's something I can handle (or even thoroughly enjoy) because it's just another stop on the way to...dinner.

Does that sound weird? I mean, shouldn't there be more important things that "it's" about? Don't worry, there are! I'm not talking about the really BIG things - our daughters, our dog, our work, our plans to invite a bunch of people over for...dinner. Just kidding.

But never mind me, what does it for you? What gets your energy up and your juices flowing (mmmm...juices). What's the thing that makes you light up just thinking about it? I think for Kate it might be Yoga. For Abigail it could be her spinning class. For Jim it's probably playing golf with Willa (dogs are only allowed when the course is "closed" during the winter). Maybe for you it's reading out loud to your little one. Or having a glass of wine with your best pals at your favorite tapas bar. Or, well, it could be almost anything as long as it helps you sail through your day...

Whatever it is, see it, feel it - and if you're like me, taste it. Here's the thing: If you know what it's all about...in the end...you can get there.

Guess what? Jim, Kate, Abigail (and Willa) just reported that it's all about dinner for them, too...What a family.

Oh, we decided on the broiled salmon with tomato-arugula salad and broccoli rabe. It was heaven.

Monday Morning Motivator: IF YOU CAN CONNECT, YOU WIN...

2014-10-06T09:00:00.000Z

IF YOU CAN CONNECT, YOU WIN...

It's true. If you can genuinely touch people, if you can speak so that they can actually hear you, if you can show them how much you care and that you are on their side - and mean it down to your core - you've got 'em. Connecting is an art. It takes understanding, total awareness and absolute honesty. And guts. Why? Because to truly move people you can't hold back. You've got to show your cards, be vulnerable, even be willing to look a bit foolish to get your point across. The audience - any audience - ultimately figures out the truth. So you might as well tell it. And if you do, and you do it with absolute passion, total conviction and a dollop of self-effacing humor, you've got a heck of a good chance of getting their approval, their buy-in, perhaps their love - and maybe even their vote.

There is much to learn in the coming weeks from watching the speeches, town hall meetings, interviews and random sound bytes of political candidates and asking yourself, who "connects" and who doesn't? And deciding whom, if anyone, you want to emulate when you're asking for the order. Here are some of the communications techniques I use with people I coach. Use them as a "scorecard" as you're making your decision on whom to vote for - or when you listen to anyone else who's making a pitch...

Seven Steps to Making the Connection...and the Sale

1. Conviction. Let go of any doubts, fear of failing, memories of "bad" performances. That's the past. It's done. You've got to believe that you are exactly the right person at the right place at the right time to be walking up to this microphone, onto this stage, into this interview - telling this story, making this pitch, asking for this order. Why should it be someone else? You're the one.

2. Shift your attention from yourself to your audience. It's not about you. And that's why you don't have to be nervous! It's about them - the audience. It's about what they're out for and what they need to make that happen. So don't critique yourself as you go along: "How'm I doing? Do they like me?" It's a sure-fire way to lose any audience. It sounds corny but great speaking - like great acting - is about love. Love for the message, love for the possibility, love for the audience. Love the audience and they'll love you right back.

3. Show 'em your passion. Charisma is nothing more or less than passion demonstrated. Passion drives profits, captures hearts and wins votes. We believe in and trust people who are passionate. And we follow them. Don't hammer home how right you are about how wrong they are. Talk about the future....about what's possible, about what you can create together. Remember Churchill, Lincoln, Kennedy, Reagan. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Show them.

4. Lead with the "lede," as they say in journalism. Never bury your headline. Resist the temptation to "build" to your main point. Frame it at the top - and deliver it the way you would deliver the "news." Put it out there.

5. Tell a story. Connecting isn't about teaching and telling or about statistics and powerpoints - it's about stories. People want to be inspired, not lectured to. And if you can tell an amusing, self-effacing story on yourself - all the better. "The destiny of the world is determined less by the battles that are lost and won than by the stories it loves...and believes in." -- Harold Goddard.

6. "Land the Plane!" That's what our younger daughter, Abigail, says when someone (like me) goes on and on(and on) elaborating on the tiniest details. If you see people shifting in their seats or glancing around...it's time to "touch down."

7. Remember, if enough people love ya, the ones who don't, don't matter. You'll never get one hundred percent buy in. It's okay. Hey, the only thing everybody likes is water. And that's because it has no taste... Stick to your guns, to your message, to your vision of what good looks like. Wishy-washy doesn't walk the dog. Or get the vote. Be you...one hundred percent.

And as you listen to the candidates, do it with an open mind. Suspend your particular bias. Don't root for the "other guy" to be as bad as you hoped he'd be. Just listen with "new ears." And decide who connects...with you.

Monday Morning Motivator: ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE...

2014-09-29T09:00:00.000Z

ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE...

It is. And we are "players" on it - however reluctant, at times. But maybe that's because we make it - being a "player" - harder than it needs to be. I hear what I call "negative typecasting" from people just about every day. "I"m not the 'creative type.'" "I'm not the 'operational type'" "I'm not the 'salesman type." "I'm not the type to stand up in front of people and talk. I'd rather kill myself!" Boy, I hear that one just about every day. Like yesterday. "No kidding?" I said to the guy who said it. "How'd you find that out? Was it written on your birth certificate? You know, 'length 25 inches, weight 7 pounds 5 oz., Not the Stand Up in Front of People and Talk Type?'" He cracked up.

"Negative typecasting" crops up out of nowhere. We've got to be vigilant...and reject it, whether it comes from ourselves - or somebody else. I worked with a wonderful, extremely talented young woman a few years ago named Laura whose boss was considering her for a major promotion...but felt she needed to enhance her "executive presence." "She's got all the right stuff on the inside," he said, "She just doesn't show it on the outside." Laura spoke very quietly, almost inaudibly at times. She didn't look people in the eye, either. Plus, she had a tendency to hunch. At one point as we were working on her voice, I said, "It's time for you to speak out. You have so much good stuff to share! People need to hear it!" "I know but I can't," she said. "I've always been the shy type." "Really?" I said. "How do you know that?" "Well, my teacher in the fourth grade told me. She said she'd never seen such a shy girl..." "Oh," I said. "Interesting. And you believed her, I guess." "Sure, she was my teacher." Laura said. "Well, I don't believe it," I said. "Not for a minute. That's just 'negative typecasting.' It happens all the time. But there's actually no truth to it. Unless you 'buy it,' of course. Unless you believe it. If you believe it - and act on that "label," it'll be true. Does that make sense?" Laura was mulling that over. "Sort of..." she said.

"Okay, good! I'll take that as a yes," I said. "So we're going to pretend you're in a play, okay? And we're going to cast you in the part of someone who is outgoing, even gregarious, someone who's running for office, someone who needs to be heard, got it? You're going to stand tall and proud. You're going to look people straight in the eye to prove you mean exactly what you say. You're even going to smile. You know why?" Laura shook her head. "Because you're actually going to be enjoying yourself." "But I'm not like that," Laura interrupted. "Not true! You just haven't acted like that," I said. "So are you game? Hey, it's just a play..." Laura was game. In fact, she threw herself into her new "part" and even "overacted" at times just for the fun of it. And it was fun....

Laura really was a great student. She even practiced her "part" in her private life - with her husband and friends. They were delighted and had fun "coaching" her. Within a few weeks' time she actually began to "pitch" her ideas and recommendations to me with vigor and conviction. She "walked in" to our pretend meetings with her head back, her shoulders squared and positive energy all around her. She smiled. She spoke out. I was thrilled. Actually, I felt as if I were playing the part of Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady!" Remember when he shouted to his colleague, Pickering, "I think she's got it!!" And she did "get it"...including the promotion. And she "kept it." She no longer thought of herself as the "shy type." Nor did anyone else. She wasn't. Actually, she never had been. She simply acted as if she were.

Here's the thing: Very few so-called "personality traits" are cast in stone. Yes, we might be "born with" a tendency to be a little more this or a little more that. But almost nothing is irrevocable. Just about anything - including standing up in front of people and talking (and being good at it) - can be learned...and actually enjoyed. All it takes is giving up the old "negative type" and re-casting yourself in a part that serves your purposes - both professionally and personally. And it's interesting, we become the way we act. So if we act as if we're strong, impressive, effective - even charismatic - we can actually begin to own those qualities. Our personalities are so much deeper and richer that we realize. Most of us have only scratched the surface of what we're capable of expressing - thanks to making up our minds at an early age that we're a certain "type" - and that's that. But that isn't that. There's no way it is. There's only the way you say it is. You are the way you act. And you get to make that up. So make it up good.

Because Shakespeare was right. "All the world's a stage..."

Monday Morning Motivator: THINK YOU'VE LOST IT?

2014-09-22T09:00:00.000Z

THINK YOU'VE LOST IT?

No, I don't mean your mind (we call that "going squirrely" in our family...) 'tho that's an ever present danger - for me, anyway...I mean a thing. And just for the record, misplacing something is just as bad as losing it - you go into the same kind of panic. You know: where are your glasses, your iPhone (I've written a lot about "The Lost iPhone Panic" - oy), your backpack or workbag, your ID to get into your office building...the list goes on and on. And when you travel, it gets a whole lot worse. "Wait, where's my passport? Did I put it back in my purse or leave it with the curbside check-in guy?" Or, "Wait, where's my boarding pass? I just HAD it. They've just called my "group number.." "Wait, where'd I put my itinerary with the addresses for the hotel and conference center? It was right here with my speech. Wait!! Where's my speech??"

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Once you get into the "lost it" mentality, the panic builds on itself. Almost everything seems in danger of being lost...or forgotten. On a business trip last week, I heard myself saying (out loud) in the cab from the airport to the hotel, "Wait, did I remember to pack those shoes that go with my suit?! I can't wear sneakers for a speech!" (Actually, when you think of it, that might've been chic..) And, reaching into my empty jacket pocket, "Oh no, I took my earrings off on the plane, did I leave them on the seat?! I love those earrings..." Do guys have this same problem? They seem much calmer when they travel. Or is that an act? By the way, I'm so afraid of leaving something in a hotel room that when I leave, I do what I call "scorched earth." I leave nothing to chance. I look in every nook and cranny to make sure NOTHING is left. NOTHING, I tell you.

Once I got on the plane to head back to NYC, I calmed down, read the Times cover to cover, closed my eyes and chilled. But the "chillin'" didn't last long. When I went to baggage claim to pick up my bag it wasn't there. "Where are the bags for American flight 3405?" I asked a guy who looked like an airport "official." "I don't know," he said. "I guess they've all been picked up." "But where's my bag?"! I asked, beginning to go into "The Panic." (I had a vintage - as in fifteen years old - Armani suit in there along with a pair of Jimmy Choo's, generously lent by my daughter, Abigail, among other favorite things...) "Maybe they're over there," he added, pointing to another baggage carousel. "But that's United baggage claim!" I said, beginning to get really worked up. "Oh, right." the guy said. I started looking frantically around for someone, anyone who could help. Finally, another passenger suggested I go to the "American Baggage Claim Office" which he thought was somewhere "down there," ie., at the very end of LaGuardia's baggage claim area. I almost ran in that direction, now worried that maybe my "lost" bag would be "taken" by somebody who could smell an Armani a mile away... I saw a small room that looked like it could be an office and through the window saw...my bag! It was just sitting there - alone. So I went in and took it. I made it two thirds of the way to the baggage claim exit when someone tapped me on the shoulder and asked for my ID. "Oh, this is my bag, all right," I said, "Look, there's the name tag on it. See? That's me, Gail Blanke!" "Got to see an ID," the woman said. "Okay, okay," I said and started rummaging through my totally over-stuffed purse for my ID. Because I was still in "panic mode," my search was erratic, so it took way longer than it should have. I saw the woman roll her eyes. I actually felt like lying down somewhere...

Here's the thing: I didn't lose anything the whole trip! I didn't even forget anything! But I did put myself through a whole lot of panicky moments - thanks to my irrational fear of "losing it." What an incredible waste of time and energy. I'm not doing it again. Seriously. But I am going to imprint on my brain that just because something isn't visible at the moment, doesn't mean it's lost. It's somewhere. I'm calling it, "NVN" - not visible now. It'll show up.

When I got home I plopped myself down on the sofa and heaved a big sigh. Willa, our super-sensitive Golden Retriever, came over, looked at me hard and put her paw in my lap. "Anything wrong?" Jim asked, reading Willa's thoughts. "Nope, I'm fine," I said, looking at them both. "Just got a little worked up." "Over what?" Jim asked. "Over nothing," I said.

So listen, next time you feel yourself getting "worked up" over "losing it," settle down. It's there. Somewhere. And look, worse case scenario? Even if it turns out not to be there. It'll be okay. Nothing is irreplaceable. Except people. And dogs. And look, you don't want to go squirrely, do you?

Monday Morning Motivator: SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA LAUGH...

2014-09-15T09:00:00.000Z

SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA LAUGH...

Greek playwrights knew what they were doing when they created Comedy - as an antidote to Tragedy. Without comic playwrights like Aristophanes, ("The Frogs"), a steady diet of Sophocles, ("Oedipus Rex"), would've been tough to take. Of course, comedy has always been a great panacea in tough times. Comics were never hotter than in the Great Depression. And who did we send over to perk up our troops during World War Two? Our best comedians...like Bob Hope. And speaking of our best comedians, the late Joan River's funeral was actually a comic celebration of the great star's life. People laughed til they cried... Listen, we need comedy - in all its guises - now more than ever. And sometimes we have to create it ourselves - or just appreciate it when somebody else does. So I'm I'm reprising a "motivator" you might have read a couple of years ago that proves that sometimes you just gotta laugh...

FLYING HIGH

Most, if not all, of the people boarding the flight from Laguardia to Atlanta were grumpy, sullen and annoyed at the prospect of another squashed together, no pillow, blanket or free drinks - flight. I was one of them. After I found my seat, I texted Jim (my husband) to tell him how annoyed I was that the guy next to me had usurped all the arm room and was spilling bits and pieces of his pastrami sandwich on the upholstery of my seat. (Even the sound of his chewing annoyed me...)We all sat there, silent and totally ticked. It was already forty-five minutes past our departure time and we hadn't even budged from the gate.

And then, something extraordinary happened: The captain got on the loud speaker and almost shouted, "Hey, you guys! This is Captain Miller! How the heck are ya? I'm here to tell ya that this is going to be a GREAT flight! And don't worry, once we get in the air, we'll fly the paint off this thing all the way down to Atlanta, ya hear me?!" And then, out of the blue, we heard a harmonica playing "Mr. Tambourine Man" over the loud speaker. It was pretty good, too. Not exactly Bob Dylan, but plenty good. It was Captain Miller. He played with abandon, obviously enjoying himself tremendously. The passengers looked at each other, totally bewildered. The pastrami guy even stopped chewing. And slowly little smiles (like the sun coming out) began to appear on everyone's faces. After about three or four minutes of passionate playing, the captain ended with a tremendous flourish.

For a moment, you could've heard a pin drop - and then spontaneously, we all broke into thunderous applause. "More! More!" someone shouted. The captain complied. This time he played "Georgia on My Mind" and the "audience" (many on their way home) went wild. I did my ear-piercing whistle between my fingers (my best thing) and someone else did a few "whoops." It wasn't long before we were airborne and then another extraordinary thing happened: Everybody started talking to each other. And laughing. The pastrami guy mopped off his face, apologized for the mess he'd made and asked if he could buy me a glass of wine.

When we pulled into the gate in Atlanta (miraculously on time) the captain got out his harmonica again for his closing serenade, Billy Joel's "Piano Man." And then as a bonus he actually sang a little ditty to the tune of "Little Brown Jug." Here are the lyrics: "We love you and you love we. Marry one of us and you can fly free! Yeah!" (You can't make this stuff up.) I called Jim to tell him we'd landed and when he asked how the flight was, I said, "Actually, it was a blast...the most fun flight I ever had." Not surprisingly, I arrived at the evening reception (for the event I was to speak at the next day) "higher" than a kite - my energy and optimism (and sense of humor) totally restored, expecting that other out-of-the-blue, crazy/delightful things would happen - and that great people would show up.. So naturally, they did.

Here's the thing. These are incredibly challenging, sometimes exhausting, and frequently "un-fun" times - up in the air and down on the ground. But as that wise, willing-to-make-a-fool-of-himself, Captain Miller knew, a little levity can go a long way towards changing the game. A bit of well-placed humor - even silliness - can turn a plane ride, a staff meeting, a media interview, a fundraising event, or a family dinner into a high energy, "Are you kidding? We are good!" moment. And you know where those moments lead, don't you? To great people doing great things, things they never would've thought of otherwise - and actually enjoying the process. We can create those moments. I mean if Captain Miller did it...

It might not be a bad idea to pick up a harmonica...

Monday Morning Motivator: ROLLING AROUND IN LOVE...

2014-09-08T09:00:00.000Z

ROLLING AROUND IN LOVE...

It seems like there's a lot of hate out there...floating around, looking for a place to land. What we're vehemently against has, for the moment, won the day over what we're passionately for. And the hate can land just about anywhere - on a country, a company, a government, an idea...a person. In fact, I don't think I've ever been aware of it or felt it - hate - quite so strongly. Maybe I was just lucky - or not paying attention. Or maybe it's the 24-hour news cycle playing and replaying the appalling examples of man's inhumanity to man. It's pretty debilitating. No wonder we're exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed out and well, just plain negative.

Yes, hate is in the air. I overheard a woman speaking to her husband on the street the other day, saying, "I absolutely hate this hot weather. I hate the humidity, I hate feeling all sticky, I hate how awful my hair looks, I hate..." she just kept going." Her little girl (probably about 5) decided to put in her two cents: "I aba-soutly hate all that, too!" she said. Guess you're never too young to start hating stuff. When I was little, "hate" was one of those words you could get your mouth washed out with soap for saying... Ah, the good old days.

But look, can we just for a minute get back in touch with what we love? Little stuff, big stuff, it doesn't matter. I love the smell of garlic sautéing on a wintry night (a summer night is good, too.) I really love the late Robin Williams and Christine Baransky singing, "Love is in the Air" from The Birdcage. (Actually, now would be a good time to listen to that again...) I love flying home to NYC, seeing the Chrysler Building and landing at La Guardia. I love the sound of our daughters' laughing with total abandon. I love the Lincoln Memorial in DC and the statue of Alice in Wonderland in Central Park. I love our Golden Retriever, Willa, and how she always assumes the best. I love people who love wholeheartedly, without judging, or weighing the "rightness" of their emotions. I could go on...

But what about you? What do you love? Write it down so you don't forget. Write down what you love about your favorite people (including their imperfections...) Write down the names of the heroes who always emerge in tough times, not the names of the villains who cause them... Write down what moves you, what you cherish. Write down what you'd fight for. (Just for the record fighting for what you love is much more powerful than fighting against what you hate...) Write down what you get a kick out of. Get love all over you. That's what Willa does. When she finds something she loves - a good, scratchy rug, a nice patch of green grass - she flops down and rolls around in it. She always gets up smiling. Maybe we should try that. If we roll around in love, there won't be any room for hate. Imagine the energy, optimism and creativity we'll generate! Could we change the world? Maybe. Will we get back up smiling? "Aba-soutly."

Hey, don't make me get out that bar of soap.

Monday Morning Motivator: IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SHOES...

2014-09-01T09:00:00.000Z

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SHOES...

Every now and then life hands us the chance to define ourselves. These moments - sometimes big, more often, little - usually don't come all gift wrapped with fanfare and hoopla. Of course, the big ones are pretty easy to spot. The little ones, well, they're pretty easy to miss. And the thing is, it's the little ones that add up...and allow us to complete that all important, self-defining sentence: "I'm_____ and I'm the one who......." Here's an example from my own life...

Not that long ago, I bought these drop-dead gorgeous shoes, really smashing and sexy...(if only they'd been on sale.) And as I left my office to head home the first day I wore them, the heavens opened up and it started to pour. I mean it was torrential. I didn't have an umbrella and there were no cabs in sight. So I did that thing, you know, where you just "will" a cab to come? (Hey, I had on new shoes, right?) And guess what? A cab pulled up right in front of my office building! A woman got out, said, "nice shoes" - and I got in. "Hah!" I thought, "It works!"

We raced up Madison Avenue towards 88th Street and at about 67th Street we stopped at a light. I glanced out through the rain-streaked window and saw this young, worried looking guy on the corner, holding a large yellow dog, wrapped in a blanket. He was obviously looking for a cab. The light changed and we sped up the avenue. For a moment, I thought to myself, "Gee, poor guy. I hope he gets one..." But then some other instinct kicked in - and I said to the driver, "Hey, did you see that guy with the dog?" "Yeah," he grunted. "You gotta pull over," I said, "I think he's got to go to the Animal Medical Center." (One of the best places for animal care in NYC...) He pulled over and I got out. "Don't let anyone take this cab, okay? I'm going to go back and get him." I raced back three blocks and said to the guy with the dog, "C'mon, I've got your cab!" We hustled back to the cab and guess what

else happened? The driver was actually standing outside in the pouring rain, holding the door open for the guy with the dog. They got in and sped away. "Yeah, baby," I said out loud.

So, you know that squishing sound that very wet shoes make? Well, I squished my way up Madison Avenue, about 20 blocks - and when I walked into the apartment sopping wet, our daughter, Abigail, said, "Are you okay? Oh, wow, look at your new shoes!" "Yeah, they're probably ruined," I said. "The thing is, I saw this guy with a dog..."

So here's the question: What are we doing here, anyway? What difference will it make? Well, maybe "it" won't change the world - certainly not all of it. But a little here and a little there...Well, that would be a good thing, right?

And here's what I know: It's not about the shoes. It is about being able to complete this sentence: "I'm Gail...and I'm the one who...stops." So watch for those little defining moments, okay? You might just find out who you are... and what you're doing here.

By the way, someone asked me why I didn't just take the shoes off and put them in my purse. I don't know... have you ever walked barefoot up Madison Avenue? Neither have I...

Monday Morning Motivator: ARE YOU CRAZY? SHE'S JUST A DOG!!!

2014-08-25T09:00:00.000Z

ARE YOU CRAZY? SHE'S JUST A DOG!!!

One of the many good things about our Golden Retriever, Willa, is she's happy... She wakes up happy and stays that way - unless there's a solid reason not to be. And from her very upbeat point of view, there aren't all that many. I mean, if everybody goes somewhere and she's not invited, she's not all that happy. Or, if she has to go to the dog groomer to get "washed and ironed," she puts on the brakes. Or, if somebody forgets to get knuckle bones from the butcher she pulls a long face. But that's about it.

So you can imagine how happy she was this past weekend on her birthday. She couldn't stop smiling - or sneezing. (Smiling tickles her nose.) We sang all her favorite songs: "The Doggie Girl Song," "Little Willa" and "I'm Just Wild About Willa!" - to name a few. And of course we belted out "Happy Birthday" as we gave her presents: a twisted, bright colored "swinger" that she can toss up in the air and wrap around her muzzle or play tug of war with, growling all the while as she's pulling your arm out of its socket - a sort of stuffed porcupine that she ripped to bits in about 3 minutes - bones of all shapes and flavors and her absolute favorite thing of all - jumping (seems more like flying) into the pool to "retrieve" dozens of tennis balls. And all the whole, crazy as it sounds, if Willa's happy and "smiling" - so are we.

And speaking of "crazy," here's the thing: We - my husband, Jim, our daughters, Kate and Abigail, and I - are all absolutely crazy about Willa. I don't know, there's just something about her. (Like "happy.") Ever since she was an 8 week old handful of cream-colored fur (8 years ago) she's occupied front and center in our hearts. We can't just pet her, we have to put our arms around her and hug her. And I - well, I'm probably the biggest sop of all. I tell her she's the best dog in the world (including New York) just about every day. When she makes a particularly great jump into the pool - high in the air, legs in tuck position, head up - I'll say something like, "Good one!! That's your best so far!!" Abigail said recently, "You talk to her like she's your grand daughter, for God's sake!" Unruffled, I said, "What's wrong with that?! I mean, at least until somebody else comes along."(When you think of it, that's really rich coming from Abigail. When she hasn't seen Willa for maybe a day, she calls and says, "I miss Willa!! Send me a picture..."

Willa "gets it" about people. She reads voices, faces and body language like a (good) shrink. Last week I had to "re-swag" a drapery that had been taken down to be cleaned - which meant I had to climb up on a step ladder, then climb on top of a radiator cover and hold onto a few inches of molding around the window for dear life. Willa did a double-take and stopped dead when she walked in and saw me on the radiator...swagging.. She actually stood there watching me with a worried, anxious look on her face (she's seen me fall down from things before..) for a half hour.(I kept messing up the swagging and had to start over...) Finally, when I more or less got it right and stepped down onto the floor, she sighed, lay down - and took a nap.

Feng shui experts claim that keeping a pet in your home can maintain the "chi" and that the very presence of an animal actually enlivens and "charges" the space. I believe it. But what I know for sure is that if Willa's not there - like out for a walk, or at the vet or wherever - our house is empty. But when she's there, boy, she's there 100%.

Are you crazy? She's just a dog!!!" you might be shouting. "No, she's not," Jim would answer. "She's a Willa...

So Happy Birthday, dear Willa!! And thanks for "being there." You're such a good girl. The best, actually. And listen, here's to the next 8 years, okay?

Monday Morning Motivator: BECOMING MRS. DOUBTFIRE

2014-08-18T09:00:00.000Z

BECOMING MRS. DOUBTFIRE

Not so long ago, there was a piece on CNN where their chief medical correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, talked about what it takes to be truly creative. He interviewed rappers, jazz musicians and stand-up comics, among others, and it turns out that what it all boils down to is, "letting go." (No surprise there, right?) And of course, it's true. If you want to create something truly new - in any medium, in any arena, in any endeavor - if you really want to "make it up" - you have to abandon self-monitoring, self-critiquing, self-consciousness, the fear of looking bad, dumb or foolish - "turn yourself off" - and "turn on" to well, the possibilities...

I call it "The Mrs. Doubtfire Method" and actually, I'm using it right now. And sometimes I probably do look dumb or foolish, but I never regret it. None of us will ever forget the hilarious film starring the late, brilliant and totally unforgettable Robin Williams (who, of course, could make something really wonderful and thoroughly delightful out of absolutely anything), in the scene where he was secretly interviewing on the phone with his estranged wife for the position of nanny to their kids. His unsuspecting wife said, "You sound absolutely perfect for the job,"Mrs...uh, Mrs...uh, oh, I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?" Williams looked momentarily stricken and then stuttered in his faux, "engaging nanny," Scottish accent, "Oh, my name?? Oh, didn't I tell you dear? Why it's uh, it's..." and then "she" looked down at a newspaper headline and saw the words, "...doubt fire..." and the rest is history...

Creativity, innovation and flat out chutzpah have never been so desperately needed - in countries, companies, families, in our lives ...as they are now. And nothing kills creativity - or gutsiness - faster than fear. The fear of "getting it wrong." But if you dump some old idea of what "getting it right" looks like - leap into the rich unknown of your imagination, trust your instincts - and go with the word, the color, the sound, the idea - that pops up...who knows what brilliance - or magic - or just plain delight - you might create?

Like dancing with a vacuum...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuqYNx8zaXM

Or doing "Twyla Tharp"...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXkApy0gkjM

So listen, if you were ever thinking about "letting it go" and "making it up" - now would be the time.

Do it for Robin...

"You're only given one little spark of madness. You musn't lose it." Robin Williams

Monday Morning Motivator: A "TAPAS" APPROACH TO LIFE...

2014-08-11T09:00:00.000Z

A "TAPAS" APPROACH TO LIFE...

I love tapas. I really do. I love those very small plates of delicious morsels - like marinated olives mixed with bits of Manchego or warm almonds fried in olive oil, sprinkled with salt and served while they're still warm - or toasted bread spread with a dollop of roasted garlic aioli and topped with marinated sardines or red peppers... Seriously, I can taste them right now. Did you know that "tapas" comes from the word "tapar," which means "to cover" and that tapas were originally small pieces of bread topped with a slice of cured ham that bartenders in Spain used to cover your glass of wine to keep away swarms of fruit flies? But now the word is synonymous with "little dishes." In fact, many people call them "heaven on a small plate." Here's the thing: Tapas require little or no preparation. Actually, tapas is a style of eating rather than a form of cooking. It connotes "sociability - friends, family, people who just like each other, talking and drinking in a relaxed atmosphere with no particular agenda, all the while nibbling away on tiny, flavor-packed little bites.

The bottom line is, tapas are no big deal. You don't have to cook all day to make them. In fact, with tapas you can just "make it up" as you go along. And you don't have to commit to eating an entire "meal" (like a giant steak). In fact, you don't have to commit to anything. It's more like "sampling" - a little of this, a little of that - and discovering what delights you. And not surprisingly, the conversations you have around a tapas table are likely to be pretty free-flowing and imaginative - and involve a lot of laughing...

So every now and then I try to develop a kind of "tapas approach" towards life and I invite you to try it, too. Like tapas, it's no big deal. It can take the form of meeting new people - you don't have to become best friends or hire them or marry them - you can simply take them as they are and enjoy the moment. Or it might take the form of trying a new sport - like golf, or a new workout routine, like Pilates. You don't have to attack it and be the absolute best at it; you can simply give it a shot and enjoy what's enjoyable. And what about your vacation? You don't have to go to Spain to take little "nibbles" of anything you find tantalizing - or just "different." You could even apply the "tapas approach" to the music you listen to or the clothes you wear: Loosen it up! Experiment! Don't make it a big deal! Get a kick out of yourself! Laugh a lot...

Our lives are overflowing with deadlines, regulations, parameters and commitments. And we have to live up to them. That's part of the deal - and comprises part of the rewards we get - and the pride we take. But if we can mix in a bit of "tapas" - a bit of experimentation, serendipity and "play time" - we could make it a lot more well, delicious. So forget the big deal dinner every now and then, dig out some cute "little dishes" and fill them with everything from nuts to olives to mushrooms to peppers to chorizo to....whatever. And maybe put on some Spanish guitar music and sit close together. Oh, and even if the fruit flies aren't in attack mode, for the final touch you can put a piece of bread decorated with a tiny slice of something delicious on top of those wine glasses...

Here are some delicious recipes for tapas...

Monday Morning Motivator: YOU COME, TOO...

2014-08-04T09:00:00.000Z

YOU COME, TOO...

Ever since I can remember, I've Ioved this simple, soothing poem by Robert Frost...

The Pasture

"I'm going out to clean the pasture spring;

I'll only stop to rake the leaves away

(And wait to watch the water clear, I may):

I sha'n't be gone long.-You come too.

I'm going out to fetch the little calf

That's standing by the mother. It's so young,

It totters when she licks it with her tongue.

I sha'n't be gone long.-You come too."

"You come, too." What a loving invitation. And it was an invitation not to the opening game of the World Series or to dinner at Gracie Mansion or to the White House Correspondents' Dinner - but just to take a little walk in a pasture. Interestingly, in it's honest, straightforward way, it represents the best of what is now labeled "inclusion"- a relatively recent imperative in most corporations - driven by human resource professionals and extolled by CEO's. According to Shirley Engelmeier, author of a book called Inclusion; The New Competitive Business Advantage, inclusion is "a call to action within the workforce that means actively involving every employee's ideas, knowledge, perspectives, approaches, and styles to maximize business success." Whew! But seriously, "inclusion" is a good thing. Good for people, good for business.

But perhaps underneath it all, the real "imperative" in being a good - and maybe even a happy human being - is to be the one who reaches out to invite other people in - not to use them, but to enjoy them. Not to make them productive but simply to make them - and yourself - happy. And that takes me back once again to when I was a kid...

I was just ten years old when I went to a camp in Vermont for eight weeks. It was an absolutely wonderful camp. The riding, tennis, swimming, singing - and the counselors - were all unforgettable. And even an incredibly homesick little girl from Ohio fell completely in love with it. One of the parts about camp I loved best was "Sunday Evening Vespers." Every Sunday evening, Mrs. Furlong, the owner and director, led a conversation about friendship, kindness, effort, honor and well, being a good person. There are a lot of things she said that I remember. One was, "Two men looked out of prison bars. One saw mud, the other stars." It was kind of scary but I liked it. I can even hear her rich North Carolina accent as if it were yesterday... But it's this epigram written by another American poet, Edwin Markham, that all these decades later, sticks in my heart ...

Outwitted

"He drew a circle that shut me out-

Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.

But Love and I had the wit to win:

We drew a circle and took him in!"

When our older daughter, Kate, was in the third grade, all the students were asked to bring in a poem about kindness. (I guess the word, "inclusion" hadn't been invented yet.) She brought in "Outwitted." Her teacher said later, "I've been waiting all my life for a poem like this..."

"Reaching out" and "inviting in" are always good things to do - whether you're little or big. But I fear we do it less and less. Not because we're not "kind" but because we're "crazed." We've got 400 "new" emails to read, for one thing. And doing anything other than just 'getting through" the day seems, well, unrealistic. But wait a minute. How long could it take to give a call (or send an email) to someone you've just met or someone you haven't connected with in months or maybe years and invite them into your "circle?" And, of course, you can ask them to bring their "ideas, knowledge, perspectives, approaches and styles" if you like. Or you could just ask them to bring their warmth and their sense of humor.

It doesn't really matter. Just say, "You come, too."

Monday Morning Motivator: SWEET SURRENDER

2014-07-28T09:00:00.000Z

SWEET SURRENDER

The first book I wrote was called, Taking Control of Your Life, the secrets of successful, entrepreneurial women. Its mission was to encourage women to create the lives of their dreams by creating businesses they loved. And it was pretty good, too - sold over a half million copies. And I stand by the premise. I'd better. I've been running a business that I love for almost twenty years...

But now I'm recommending that you consider taking action on another of my favorite topics. It's the opposite of "taking control." It's called... "letting go." In fact, I'm inviting you to choose specific times in your life when you decide to let go of taking control, to let go of rigidity, to let go of needing to know at the beginning how it's all going to work out in the end - and instead embrace an attitude of "fluid serendipity" and trust - trust in yourself and trust in others. I'm inviting you to pick moments when you go with things, rather than against them, when you lean into a situation, rather than away from it.

Listen, if your flight were circling the airport for an hour and a half and you knew you were going to be at least two and a half hours late for a very big deal meeting, would you barge into the cockpit and wrest the controls away from the pilot? (Actually, I overheard someone talk about doing that once.) No, you'd sit quietly in your seat with your seatbelt fastened, take deep breaths and maybe even take solace in the realization that there was absolutely nothing you could do about it. Here's the thing: "Surrendering" yourself to a situation you can't possibly control can be soothing, even strengthening. And it doesn't mean "quitting, " or losing control, it means taking control of yourself by deciding to give control to someone - or something - else." Not forever, just for now.

"Surrendering" or "turning over control" can even make a physically painful situation hurt less. Here's an example: I have a "bad knee." I'd like to avoid replacing it for as long as possible so I'm undergoing a series of shots to reduce inflammation and lubricate the joint. The shots can really hurt. So here's my method for dramatically reducing the pain: When the nurse finishes disinfecting the area, she always says, "Are you ready?" And I always nod, take a deep breath, let it out and completely "surrender" my knee to the procedure. Then the nurse always says, "Did it hurt?" And I always say, "No, not really." And she always smiles.

I taught the same "surrendering" technique to our older daughter, Kate, when she was just a little girl. We were at the pediatrician's office and the doctor needed to give her a shot. I put my arm around Kate and said, "Let your arm go, sweetheart. Just let it go. Pretend it doesn't even belong to you. Turn it over to the doctor. He'll take care of it." She closed her eyes and did just that. When the doctor finished, Kate actually asked, "Did you do it yet?" The doctor glanced at me and winked...

"Surrendering control" not only works to lessen pain - but to increase pleasure. You can surrender or abandon yourself to something really good ,too. Like love. Love of your favorite Puccini aria, love of an incredibly delicious plate of pasta with fresh basil and tomatoes, love of the sweet smell of blossoming hydrangea...or the total and unconditional love of a person. Or maybe even the world.

Here's an experiment I'd like you to try: Every day this week, choose a moment - at work, in a social situation, wherever - when you find yourself in a potentially tough - or potentially delightful - situation and your old habit of "taking control" kicks in. You feel the urge to brace yourself for the "pain" - physical or emotional - of the "tough" situation... or rein in your emotions so you don't look "foolish" or somehow get "hurt," in the "delightful" situation. But this time you don't do that. This time you "lean into it" and "surrender control." This time you trust your instincts and let the situation wash over you. Maybe you belt out "O Soave Fanciulla" from La Bohème, at the top of your lungs. Or say to the guy with the needle, "I'm all yours, Doc." And if you do, and you will, here's my promise: You'll be thrilled by how much stress, or even pain, you eliminate from your life...and even better, how much pleasure and love - you generate. And that will be sweet, indeed...

"Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change. the world, softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world." - Marianne Williamson

MMM: WHERE'S DIOGENES WHEN WE NEED HIM?

2014-07-21T09:00:00.000Z

WHERE'S DIOGENES WHEN WE NEED HIM?

Remember him? The founder of Cynical Philosophy, he was called "Diogenes the Cynic" and lived in Greece from 412 to 323 BC. Ancient Greek writings credit Diogenes with the famous search for an "honest man" which he conducted in broad daylight, carrying a lighted lantern. Evidently, he never found one.

I'm not Diogenes, nor was meant to be; I'm not even a cynic, but it sure would be great to run into an "honest man" - or woman - out there, wouldn't it? But they seem to be no where to be found... in politics, business, many of our venerable institutions, or even in life. Of course, maybe my definition of "honest" is too severe: "To say what you mean and mean what you say." Part of the problem it seems, is actually saying it. There are so many times when I'm watching the news that I'll almost shout at the TV screen, "Will you just stop beating around the bush and say what you mean for God's sake?" A good friend of mine was pretty worked up the other day about the phrase one hears over and over, particularly in media interviews with politicians, but just as often in informal conversations. You've heard it a million times: "I don't disagree with you..." People say it sort of matter-of-factly with a phony half smile on their faces. "Well, wait," one longs to reply, "are you saying you actually agree with me or are you saying you neither agree nor disagree, like maybe you have no opinion? Or are you saying you have an opinion but you don't want to say what it is? Or are you just trying to flimflam me or....?"

"Flimflamming" is rampant. The dictionary defines "flimflam" as "a trick or deception, especially a swindle or a confidence game, involving skillful persuasion or clever manipulation of the 'victim'...a piece of nonsense, twaddle, bosh." (I like the "twaddle" part.) Flimflamming can come in a lot of verbal guises. The "good ol' boy"routine: "C'mon, you know me! Would I lie to you?!" and the "I wasn't there" routine: "I have absolutely no knowledge of the incident you're speaking of..." are pretty common.

Sometimes the "flimflam" shows up as simply not wanting to hear the bad news - so you won't have to "know" about it or take any action - or be blamed. According to recent reports on the investigation of GM's deadly "ignition switch defect," the automaker's culture of "good news only" helped to foster that very attitude. Another typical "flimflam" routine: The "Of course, we should address this!" but no one's assigned to the task, was rampant at GM. The CEO, Mary Barra describes it as "The GM Nod." Here's how it worked: In a typical meeting, all participants would nod in agreement that action should be taken and then no one would do anything. Another interesting twist on the "GE flimflam" is what Anton Valukas, the investigator who compiled the scathing report on the debacle, described as "the GM Salute" - a "crossing of the arms that point outward towards others, indicating the responsibility belongs to someone else, not me." He added that "No single person owned any decision."

Imagine the field day Diogenes would have with those characters. Imagine his cynicism building minute by minute like plaque - plaque that even his "lighted lantern" couldn't permeate. He'd probably take to his couch with a stiff cup of hemlock.

Okay, a truly honest person is tough to find. Really tough. But not impossible. Maybe you're one. Maybe you know another one. And maybe they'll know somebody else. But here's what I know: Being cynical about it won't help. Assuming that people are dishonest jerks, won't help. Keep looking for the honest ones. And when you find one - shake their hand, slap them on the back, send an email to congratulate them...or vote for them. Maybe that will foster more.

It's not over, Diogenes. You've got us. Bring your lantern. But leave your cynicism behind.

Monday Morning Motivator:TAKE IT SLOW...

2014-07-14T09:00:00.000Z

TAKE IT SLOW...

More than a few decades ago, before we were married, Jim and I flew down to Haiti for a brief get-away vacation in Port au Prince, the capital. We stayed at The Hotel Oloffson, a great favorite of the writer, Graham Greene, who used it as the setting for the "Hotel Trianon" in his 1966 novel, The Comedians. The Oloffson is a 19th century gothic, gingerbread mansion set in a lush tropical garden, high in the mountains overlooking the city. "Romantic" doesn't even begin to describe it.

One breath-takingly beautiful afternoon we were stretched out in lounge chairs, breathing in the sweet air, listening to a steel band's gentle rhythms, sipping Planter's Punch and simply "drinking in" the softness of the moment. But here's what I remember best about that afternoon; in fact, I'll never forget it.There was another young American couple stretched out on lounge chairs nearby. They were good looking, probably in their late 20's or early 30's. The man was reading a novel and chuckling to himself, the woman was writing in a notebook, looking very serious and efficient. She interrupted his reading and said, "I've compiled a list of all the things we have to do to plan for our next trip..." and began rattling off what seemed like an endless list of chores: people and places to call, things to buy, arrangements to make." I got tired just listening to it and was considering moving my chair when suddenly, the man slammed his book closed and said, "We're here now! Can't we just enjoy this?!" I thought, "Boy, I wonder if this relationship will make it to the end of this vacation, never mind the next one..."

Here's another similar but in an important way, very different scene from the past that I'll also never forget. I was maybe twenty at most. The setting was Jamaica. My mom, dad, brother and I were all there for a wonderful family vacation with "just the four of us." We were sitting on the beach sipping Margaritas (okay, I was a tiny bit underage...) and breathing in the aura of the Caribbean. Out of the blue, my mom lifted her glass and said, "Here's to us. Here's to this moment. Here we are all together and we love each other...and we know it. Let's wrap our arms around it." We clicked our glasses and gave each other a hug. My arms are still wrapped around that moment ...

Here's why both those scenes have popped back into my mind: Our lives are moving at light speed. And it worries me a lot. The days, months and even years careen past us - like the flicker of photographs in our iPhones as we flip through them. Thanks to the wonders of technology we are absolutely always "plugged in," never really "out of touch," propelled by the need to respond, follow up, make lists, check off stuff on our lists and get on to the next thing "AFAP" (as fast as possible.) So, we're never actually in touch with the moment: the sweet smell of jasmine, the shape of the clouds or the fact that we're together, love each other, and know it...

It's time to slow it down. Seriously. (Hey, maybe that's why some smart person invented "Summer Fridays...) And here's the good news: You don't need an exotic island, a swell hotel or a magnificent beach ('tho when you got 'em, don't waste 'em...) to stop and wrap your arms around the moment. Last weekend Jim and I, our daughters, Kate and Abigail, Kate's boyfriend, David, and our dog, Willa, were all together, sitting around our picnic table, about to dig into a magnificent lunch. (We are all dedicated "foodies.) The sky was the bluest I can remember, the air the clearest, there was reggae music playing on Pandora - and at the same moment, as if by design, we all raised our glasses and said, "Isn't this great? Here we are together..."

Flipping through our lives AFAP can only lead to one thing: Our looking puzzled at the end of it - and saying, "Wait. That was it?!" So let's take it slow, okay? Want to drink to that?

Remember that song, "Kokomo" sung by the Beach Boys from the movie, Cocktail? I woke up singing it yesterday. Maybe we should go there...

"Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you; To Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama; Key Largo, Montego, baby why don't we go?...We'll get there fast...and then we'll take it slow. Way down to Kokomo..."

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvtqtC-SjAo

Monday Morning Motivator: BECOMING WHAT WE HATE...

2014-07-07T09:00:00.000Z

BECOMING WHAT WE HATE...

I can't remember exactly when I first heard the phrase, "We become what we hate..." I think it was in a college philosophy class. It hit me pretty hard at the time. Still does. Now more than ever. Maybe it's because there are so many "hateful" things going on "out there" - and even "in here..." So, not surprisingly, our focus is on how truly awful "it" is. And...it is. But to actually become the very thing we abhor is an appalling thought - whether you're an individual, a family, a company, a government or even a country. And yet, it happens - little by little - to even the best intentioned of us.

An executive with whom I worked was criticized for his supercilious attitude towards his colleagues and as a result was passed over for a number of promotions. When I told him how he was perceived and the impact he had on others, he was shocked. "I totally hate arrogant people," he said. "I can't believe I come across that way!" "Well, somehow," I suggested, you've focused so much on the qualities you hate that you unconsciously not only accepted them but actually adopted them. Funny how that happens to us..." I went on to tell him he wasn't alone, Most of us fall into the "I am what I hate" trap at one time or another if we're not careful, and that the good news was that he could, (with a lot of effort), dump that behavior and replace it with the kinds of qualities he admired. We talked a lot about what those qualities were. He named "respect" and "assuming the best" from people, among other things. Seven months later, he was promoted. Interestingly, more and more people actually wanted to work for him - rather than against him...

A young woman I coached recently told me she "hated" the way people in her company surreptitiously dumped on each other while pretending to embrace a "collaborative, team-playing culture" and she found she'd acquired an irresistible impulse to "dump back." Luckily, although it was really hard, she formulated a plan to catch herself when that impulse crept up on her and to substitute positive reinforcement for back-stabbing. She became much happier at work - and thanks to how contagious "attitudes" (both negative and positive), can be - so did her colleagues. And what about our families? How much do we focus our own - and our children's - attention on the despicable things that happen in the world? And sadly, those "bad things" almost become the norm... "the way it is." So even if we don't "become" what we hate; we "settle" for it - which is pretty much the same thing.

Here's the thing: We seem to be thinking more about what we hate than what we love. We've become more "in touch" with the bad stuff, more "attuned" to it - than the good stuff. So it's not surprising that we get it all over us. It's kind of like driving into the headlights, if you know what I mean.

So what do we do? Well, there's only so much room in our hearts and minds, right? The more hate we focus on, the less love we can hold. In the end, we are what we think about. Nothing more. Or less. So what do you love? What do you love about people, what do you love about each other? About yourself? About...life? What are some wonderful examples of man's boundless, indestructible-even-in-the-worst-of-times humanity - rather than inhumanity - to man? Embrace them. Share them. Glorify them.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we became what we love...? I mean, how hard could it be?

Not all that hard, according to John Lennon...

The Beatles - All You Need is Love on Vimeo

MMM: HIGH ANXIETY

2014-06-30T09:00:00.000Z

HIGH ANXIETY

"Hey, where's my phone?? I had it a little while ago - I think - I mean I used it like, what? An hour ago? Didn't I? I tried calling it. Wait, did I put it on vibrate??! I'm dead!!"

That's me. Like, not every day, but almost... Maybe it's you, too. The "Where's My Phone??!!" panic attack is all pervasive. In fact, I don't know anyone who doesn't have it. Your heart starts to beat harder, you dart mindlessly from room to room in your house or apartment searching wildly for it. You rummage through your purse, pockets, backpack, briefcase, in near hysteria - taking things out, putting them back, taking them out again.. "Losing it" (the phone and your mind) in the car is a an ever-present danger, too. Ripping up the floor mats, hurling things out of the glove compartment - is standing operating procedure.

Here's the thing: We usually find it - eventually. Okay sometimes it's really lost, but most of the time it's found. But meanwhile, we become almost sick with panic and can barely think about anything else. Oh, and sometimes, "leaving it" is as anxiety-provoking as "losing it." About a week ago, I'd just left our apartment and grabbed a cab to go to a meeting when I suddenly thought, "Wait, did I bring my phone?!" The "Where's My Phone??!!" panic attack took over immediately. I started rummaging through my purse. I went through everything. "I must've brought it," I said out loud. I couldn't have left it." But I couldn't find it. "Wait, wait, wait," I said to the driver, "we've got to turn around; I've forgotten my phone!!" He sighed and started to make a U turn. "No, wait, wait, wait, if we go back, I'll be late for my meeting. Turn around again. I'm really sorry.." I said. He sighed again and said, "It happens all the time." "How'm I gonna make it through the whole day without my phone?" I thought. "What about all the people who only know that number, what about..." (I went on and on. I was so "worked up," as we say in our family that I actually gave the driver the address of my office building instead of the address where my meeting was being held...and didn't realize it til I got out of the cab...)

But guess what? It was fine. It wasn't a disaster. The sky didn't fall. Later, when I got to work, I called people who might need me, told them what happened and made sure they had my office number. Was it inconvenient? Absolutely. Was it "rattling?" Definitely. Was it a disaster? Nope. The bottom line is, we have got to calm down. And it's not just the thing with our phones. It's a lot of stuff. Being in a state of "high anxiety" seems to be almost commonplace. And most of the causes are not life-changing, or disaster-provoking situations, they're just annoying and inconvenient...and not really worth getting all that "worked up" about...

So what do we do?

1. Take a deep breath and let it out. That helps everything.

2. Be still and quiet your mind for a few minutes. If you meditate, do it now.

3. Ask yourself the age-old question, "What's the worst thing that could happen? Will I be able to handle it?" The answer will come back, "Yes!"

4. Smile. Actually, laugh at yourself. Pretend you're starring in a comedy routine called, "Where's My Phone??!!"

5. Get over it.

To help you get in the mood, here's a clip from one of my all-time favorite movies, produced by and starring Mel Brooks along with Cloris Leachman, Madeline Kahn and Ann Bancroft... High Anxiety.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHrQC67aPBU

Monday Morning Motivator: RECLAIMING THE LOST ART OF CONVERSATION

2014-06-23T09:00:00.000Z

RECLAIMING THE LOST ART OF CONVERSATION

...in the nick of time

We all know people (they're multiplying like rabbits; you or I might even be one of them...) who treat a conversation like a competition. It's like, who's going to win the conversation game?? They pontificate on a subject - it could be anything from politics (it frequently is, these days), to pruning (it's that time of year), to the point of exhaustion. They have all the answers - and the questions - leaving the "other" person to play the part of a terribly grateful, impressed, nodding, mute. Or even worse they market themselves, or pitch the idea or point of view they want you to "buy" so that when the "conversation" is over, they can declare themselves the "winner." (Hey, if at the next dinner party you attend, you notice the person you've been talking to sneak over and change his place card when he realizes it was next to yours...you might want to watch it.)

Have you noticed lately how few true conversations actually take place? Oh, we talk to each other all right, (unless, of course, we're texting...), but that's not necessarily "conversing." To converse means to actually exchange thoughts, ideas, impressions, opinions, passions and stories with another person and be willing to have a change of opinion or change of heart as a result. It means you have to listen as much as you talk - maybe more - or there's no real exchange...

Look, it's tempting to pontificate, especially when you're the "subject expert." It's seductive to market yourself when you've just created a new business. It's hard not to "pitch" your point of view or your "product" when you're convinced it's exactly what the other person ought to want. But social situations aren't the time for that and, just for the record, even in business situations when it is time for that, a successful "pitch" requires more active listening than active talking.

So what do we do to prevent ourselves from becoming the "pariah" everyone dreads sitting next to and instead, become the one whom people seek out - not because we're so smart, but because they feel better about themselves when they're around us?

It's surprisingly easy. Ask them what they're passionate about, what they care about, what they get a kick out of, what delights them - or even what they're worried about. Listen. Listen hard. Listen to learn something new, to be surprised, even blown away by their interests or insights. Maybe, depending on how the conversation goes, you might ask them that all-important question, "If absolutely anything were possible, what would you love to make happen? In you life? In your work?" And then share your answers to the same questions. You might be shocked to discover how much you have in common... even if you've known each other for years...

The bottom line is, stop talking and telling. Let go of how much you know and fall in love with how much you can learn. Approach everyone you meet - little people, big people (you can learn a lot from a conversation with a little person...) as a chance to actually connect - a chance to walk away from a true interchange of thoughts differently from the way you arrived - and a chance to have enabled someone else to do the same.

Imagine how rich your life will become...

"It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much." Yogi Berra

Monday Morning Motivator: YOU GOT ME, BABE...

2014-06-16T09:00:00.000Z

YOU GOT ME, BABE...

You know our Golden Retriever, Willa. I write about her all time - and talk about her all the time. Everyone in our family does. When one of us is out of town and calls home, the first thing he or she asks is, "How's Willa?" The answer is usually, "She's great! But she misses you...." And she does. "What a lover!" is usually what people say about her, even when they've just met her for the first time - on the street, in the park, wherever. She is. But being a "lover" isn't all that easy. Because the "missing" part goes hand in hand with the "loving" part.

A couple of Saturdays ago, everyone at our house had taken off to play various sports - except for Willa and me. I was sitting at the kitchen table hunched over my computer ("Don't hunch!" Abigail had said as she'd headed out the door...), writing a Monday Morning Motivator, and Willa was at her post by the back door...waiting...waiting for everyone to come back so she could jump on them, lick their faces and "do doggies." "Doing doggies" is a tradiiton. When the person who's been gone returns, he/she plops down on a small step that leads to the breakfast room and Willa (all 83 pounds of her) leaps into their laps, rolls around wildly, snorting and grinning all the while. Of course, the thing about grinning is that it tickles her nose. And a tickled nose makes a person - or a dog - sneeze. But Willa's too happy to care.

This particular Saturday was no different. Willa sat staring out the window of the back door like a sentry: Ears up, at full alert...waiting. After awhile, she gave a big sigh and lay down on the floor - as close to the door as she could get. I could see her from my kitchen chair. "It's okay," I said. "They're coming back, honest." Willa thumped her tail once, acknowledging my futile attempt to console her. I was about to go back to my computer but instead, I got up, walked over to her and said, "Hey, it's okay. Really, it is. You got me, Babe..." I leaned down and rubbed her back for a minute and then I got totally carried away which isn't all that unusual for me, and launched into a sort of bastardized version of "I Got You Babe." "Babe, you got me, Babe, you got me, Babe...Put your little paw in mine, there ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb..." Willa loved it, okay, not as much as "doggies," but at least she put her ears down, "smiled," thumped that gorgeous tail of hers and...gave me her paw. And for a tiny moment she was happy. So was I.

I've been thinking about that small, happy moment and about people whom I'd like to sing that song to - or at least say those words: "You got me,babe.." People I care about who might not know it. People who can count on me and might need to hear it. People who could use a reason to thump their "tails" while they're waiting for their "people to come home" so they can do their version of "doggies." I bet there are people you can think of, too. People whose backs you have, whom you'd go to the mat for, whom you'll be there for... through thick and thin. Maybe now would be a good time to remind them.

So let's just go ahead and tell them, okay? Or sing to them! It's okay if they sneeze...

And listen...you got me, Babe.

Here's some inspiration from Sonny and Cher...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=BERd61bDY7k

Monday Morning Motivator: "GET REAL, WILL YA?!"

2014-06-09T09:00:00.000Z

"GET REAL, WILL YA?!"

I hate that phrase. And heaven knows I've had it said to me enough times...sometimes in the form of "We have to manage our expectations." Or, "Can you curb your enthusiasm for a minute?" Or, "Afterall, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." And, "Look, if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Where would we all be if - as a country, a society, as organizations, families, or individuals - we had "gotten real"...had reeled in our expectations, curbed our enthusiasm, and said goodnight to our wildest dreams. And yet, "managing expectations" and "being realistic" seem to be the watch phrases of the day - in business, in politics, even sometimes, in sports. I find it disheartening. But wait, if I let myself become disheartened, I'll have fallen for it - fallen for the "how bad could it get?" theme rather than my own personal mantra, "how good could I make it?"

I mean, if "realism" reigned, nobody would've gotten on the Mayflower, or written a declaration of independence, or settled the wild west or....well, just imagine: We'd all be tucked in tight under the covers of "managed mediocrity" in a dreamless, tidy sleep - with no major failures to regret and no major triumphs to celebrate. That's not a world I'd want to live in - or a life I'd want to live.

But "realism" is spreading like wildfire. I heard someone in a company's team meeting say recently, "It's time to reign it in. We're getting ahead or ourselves here. Let's settle down and do what's practical, look at the facts and be prudent. I need you guys to be realistic.Got it?" His team nodded but looked crestfallen. Their shoulders slumped, the corners of their mouths turned down. One guy put his arm around a deflated colleague as they walked out...

Don't let that happen to you - or the people you care about and work with. Will Smith, the writer, entertainer and author of Just the Two of Us, wrote, "Being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity." Don't go down it. And don't allow yourself to be led down it. Because you might be safe but you'll be bored. And you might not be hurt, but you won't be thrilled.

So listen, you might want to give that thing that ain't broke a good crack, don't you think? And in terms of the "bird in hand" thing? How do you know there aren't hundreds of gorgeous birds "in the bush" that would make it worth letting go of that one in your hand...

So please don't get real. There are rivers to cross and miracles to make. And we need you to cross them and you to make them....

As Robert Preston said in the 1955 film, The Last Frontier (also starring Victor Mature and Ann Bancroft.), "Victory is not given to the cautious."

Monday Morning Motivator: WHAT TO RUN ON WHEN YOU'RE RUNNING ON EMPTY

2014-06-02T09:00:00.000Z

WHAT TO RUN ON WHEN YOU'RE RUNNING ON EMPTY

Sometimes the times that try men's and women's souls aren't the major hits or the seemingly end of the world occurrences - the job lost, the big chance blown, the wedding canceled. But rather it's the wear and tear of the little stuff - the constant criticisms, the endless requests, the changes of direction, the feeling that "it's" never done - or never good enough, or...maybe just not worth it...that wipes us out. As a friend of mine said recently, "Enough already! Where do I get off this bus?!" Okay, feeling out of steam, out of gas, or out of juice just isn't all that uncommon for most of us. But "getting off this bus" isn't always an option - or even a good idea.

So what do we do? Where do we find the "stuff," the "juice" to keep on going, to stay in the game for another inning, maybe bring the rest of the team with us and even figure out how to win it? Well, here's the good news: We already have the stuff. We don't have to find it; we just have to rediscover - or uncover it. Here's how: Take a look backwards for a few minutes. I know, I know, looking forward is usually the order of the day - but sometimes looking backwards is a good thing, too...at those moments that actually define us. Here are just a few simple steps to "filling the tank..."

- Take a look at those times you pulled it out of the fire. You know: You were running last, all the bets were against you, all the signs said, "forget it," everybody in the "stands" shrugged and shook their heads. But you, and maybe your team, girded your loins, gritted your teeth, rekindled your fighting spirit, focused on theprize, and looked for a new angle. You knocked on a new door, asked for the order one more time...and it worked. Amazingly, it worked!

- Okay, take a look at the times when it didn't work. You pulled out every stop, walked through every wall of fire and for reasons beyond your control (and maybe your comprehension) it just didn't happen. But you didn't let it get you down. You didn't quit the team. (Thought about it maybe, but didn't do it...) You didn't rail against "them" - at least not for long. And you didn't let cynicism take over your psyche, tempting as that was. You just got back in the game. And maybe brought the rest of the team with you. That's just as amazing. Because look, we're not talking about curing world hunger here ('tho I wish we were), we're talking about falling down and getting back up again - and about lifting somebody else up. And about embracing, celebrating and owning those moments that prove we can do it over and over again - even when the wear and tear of life is seducing us to pack it in.

- Share your "defining moments" with someone you're close to. Listen to theirs.

- Then ask each other, "Hey, if we could do that, what else could we do?" And the answer will come back strong and clear: "Whatever we decide."

This is the time to shrug off the debris of the "little stuff" that weighs us down, weakens our spirits and clogs up our very good hearts...and remember who we are. The fact is that the world needs us to play big. Not later. Now.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond all measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God and your playing small doesn't serve the world." Marianne Williamson - A Return to Love.

Monday Morning Motivator: SHE'S THE ONE WHO....

2014-05-26T09:00:00.000Z

SHE'S THE ONE WHO....

How often, when we introduce someone, do we actually say who they are? I don't mean what they do, I mean who they are. If I'm any example, not all that often. I heard myself introduce someone to a friend the other day by saying, "Hank, I'd like you to meet my friend, Barbara." That was it. Hank was left holding the bag and could only say to Barbara, "Great to meet you, Barbara...how 'bout this weather?"

Okay, that's not the absolute end of the world, but how much better it would've been if I'd done it right, and said, "Hey, Hank, meet my friend, Barbara. She and I worked together a million years ago. She's the one who saved my life over and over with her uncanny operational expertise. Believe me, there's nobody like her." Then Hank could've said, "Oh, you guys used to work together?! Boy, I bet you've got some great stories to tell..." and they'd have been off and running into a rollicking conversation.

Here's the thing: In this tech-saturated, work-obsessed, hyper-connected, surprisingly disconnected world we live in, it's more important than ever to well, connect - and encourage others to do the same. And there are so many opportunities to do just that on any given day! But we totally miss 'em.. It's time to pay attention. It's time to "get it" about each other - and let others "get it" about us, to reach out and take another's hand; or let them take ours, to ask, to listen, to appreciate people not only for their gifts and their talents but for their idiosyncrasies, for what they care about. Not just for the things that make them impressive, but for the things that make them loveable and maybe even unforgettable. It's time to introduce them to a world that needs to know not just their name, but who they actually are..

Not long ago we were at a cocktail party with our daughters and I overheard a young man introduce our younger daughter, Abigail, to a friend of his, saying, "This is Abigail, she's the one who makes me laugh. She's the funniest person I know..." Abigail, of course, got a huge kick out of it as did everyone else who heard the "intro," and of course, was really funny the rest of the evening... There are few better ways to connect with people than by making them laugh.

So next time you introduce somebody - at a party, at the office, on the street, wherever - do the world a favor will you? Connect them to the other person by completing this sentence, "This is my friend____and he's/she's the one who....." And do it with affection, respect and maybe even humor. Who knows? If enough of us do it, we might actually remember that this crazy thing we belong to called the human race...is pretty wonderful..

"Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted,

And human love will be seen at its height.
Live in fragments no longer.
Only connect..."

--E.M. Forster, Howards End

Monday Morning Motivator: BEIN' GREEN

2014-05-19T09:00:00.000Z

BEIN' GREEN

Kermit the Frog sang, "It's not easy being green..." But boy, if there ever were a time to be green. It's now. We've been waiting for "green" for so long, we almost forgot what it looked like."Gray" owned every single day. But those days are done..

I'm really into plants. Okay, not as much as I'm into dogs

- Periodically re-pot them. Plants love a fresh container with new dirt underneath their roots. But don't put them into a pot too much bigger than their old one. They'll feel lost and can become exhausted by the effort to grow roots to fill the space. On the other hand, don't pack the dirt around them too tightly. They like to feel snug but want room to expand and breathe. Hey, does that remind you of people who have been "repotted" in your company? (Maybe you're even one of them...) People want to be continually challenged and have room to grow but a constant "sink or swim" mentality can be a major de-motivator for even the most dedicated people. In fact, it can even be a deal breaker.

- Keep positive energy around them. I know it sounds crazy but plants (like dogs) can feel the energy in the air. They (again, like dogs...) get depressed if the humans around them are continually worked up. Negative vibes - tension, anger, ongoing angst - can curb their enthusiasm to risk putting out new growth. Okay, you can't be perky all the time but plants give you one more reason to accentuate the positive. And boy, does that work with the people around you. Emphasize the good stuff: what's working - and what you can learn from the stuff that isn't. There's not a person in the world who doesn't respond well to positive reinforcement. Or a plant, for that matter. A hibiscus tree of ours had been languishing for weeks. Suddenly it perked up its leaves and shot out a lovely red blossom. "Way to go, you rascal!" I said. I knew you still had it in you. You look gorgeous!" "Who're you talking to?" Jim called from the next room. "Oh, just ol' hot stuff here," I said, "don't worry."

- Play music! I'm serious. It's been well documented that music causes plants to grow faster and shoot out more leaves and flowers. It makes perfect sense when you think about it. Afterall, no band of brothers or sisters, no sports team, no group of people little or big, ever went for the brass ring, the title, or put a stake (or flag) in the ground, without the horns, the pipes, the fifes and drums, the raised voices going first. It's true for all flora and fauna. Even Peggy "comes out" from behind her rock when we put on Pandora.

- Prune! When plants are pruned, when they're dead leaves are removed, they're inspired to shoot out new leaves and flowers. "Letting go" (two of my favorite words) of what no longer serves us - our own human version of "dead leaves: fears, regrets, grudges, "mistakes" - can be absolutely reinvigorating. Every time you pluck a dead leaf from one of your plants, "pluck away" some old fear of your own, okay? And imagine a brand new version of yourself emerging - like little green sprigs, with every "pluck." Actually, I feel good just thinking about... bein' green.

And green is...the color of spring.

Sing it, Kermit...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSS9PnU6T8s

They don't call it a "greenhouse" for nothin'...

Monday Morning Motivator: "IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"

2014-05-12T09:00:00.000Z

"IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"

Remember Rick Moranis as Howard Gross, the screaming, burned out public relations

executive in the 1986 comedy, Head Office? He and other stars like Judge Reinhold who plays Jack Issel, a natural-born slacker who just graduated from business school and gets repeatedly promoted because his father is an influential (and corrupt) U.S. senator, and Richard Masur who plays Max Landsberger, Issel's totally jaded "personnel officer" (plus Eddie Albert, Jane Seymour and Danny DeVito, among others) work for an appallingly unprincipled, American corporation called I.N.C.

At one point, Landsberger puts his arm around the constantly bewildered Jack Issel and says "Lesson number 4: The secret to survival is never make a decision. Never, never. The minute you do, you get screwed." The film makes his point in a fabulous scene with Howard Gross screaming into all 35 of his blinking phone lines with 35 angry people, "It wasn't my fault," It wasn't my fault," "It wasn't my fault!" My favorite is when his wife calls from the hospital to tell him her father just died and she's (he's?) mad because he's in a semi-private room. Howard screams, "He's dead! What does he know? He could be in Yankee Stadium for Christ's sake!!" A bunch of other people call to voice their dislike of the launch of the new PR campaign. Howard yells into the phone, "It wasn't my fault!! I didn't make that decision, I just approved it! Don't you guys know the difference between a decision and an approval??!!"

It's a really funny movie. But not so funny when it happens in real life...unless you watched the White House Correspondents' Dinner a week ago. Governor Chris Christie (who could easily have played Howard Gross) took it in the uh, gut. The dinner's host, Joel McHale, had a few choice words for him: "Finally, a politician willing to stand up to America's commuters," the comedian joked. "Governor, do you want bridge jokes or size jokes? 'Cause I've got a bunch of both. I could go half and half. I know you like a combo platter." Then McHale goes for the jugular: "I am sorry for that joke, Governor Christie," he continued. "I did not know I was going to tell it, but I take full responsibility for it. Whoever wrote it will be fired. But the buck stops here. So I will be a man and own up to it just as soon as I get to the bottom of how it happened because I was unaware it happened until just now. I am appointing a blue-ribbon commission of me to investigate the joke I just told. And if I find any wrongdoing on my part, I assure you it will be dealt with. Okay, I just looked into it. It turns out I am not responsible for it. Justice has been served."

"It wasn't my fault," can get in the bloodstream of just about any organization when things get tough - or when somebody's isn't paying attention - or when the guy, or gal in charge doesn't have the guts to take the hit. Or just doesn't know any better. Take Donald Sterling of L.A. Clippers fame or Nevada rancher, Cliven Bundy, the cowboy philosopher who thinks he's found a home on the government's range. No, let's not take them. Let's leave them. But wonderfully enough, there are exceptions. One has only to look at General Motors' new CEO, Mary Barra, who dare I say, "manned up" to the task of not distancing herself from the terrible ignition switch debacle, took the heat and took the helm."Remember," she told the graduating seniors of the University of Michigan last week, "hope is not a strategy...and problems don't go away when you ignore them - they get bigger."

Johnson & Johnson's CEO James Burke instinctively knew where the buck stopped following the 1982consumer deaths fromcyanide-laced, extra-strength Tylenol pills. He ordered an instant recall, destroyed all the remaining products and lost not only money but share price. But within 5 months of the disaster, the company recovered 70% of the drugs's market share and actually achieved the status of "consumer champion."

So where does this leave us? It leaves us with the need for eternal vigilance to paraphrase Mary Barra. A little crack here, a sidestep there, a shrug someplace else and the next thing we know we've lost it - our believability, our honor, our "following," whether we're a company, an individual - or even a family. And when we lose that, we're lost. But hey, we won't feel bad because it won't be our fault, right? Just kidding...

You'll love this Head Office clip:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qsnSLDEqMc

Monday Morning Motivator: Hello, Stranger!

2014-05-05T09:00:00.000Z

HELLO, STRANGER!

I'll never forget the day I took my first bus ride in NYC. As I walked down the aisle, looking for an empty seat, I smiled and said hello to everyone who happened to look my way. Hey, I'm from Ohio, okay? That's how we did it. It only took me one ride to figure out that's not how you do it in New York. People first gave me a funny look, like I was weird - and then just looked away. I never did it again. But as of now, that's going to change. Here's why...

A few days ago I walked into the gym where I work out on the weekends and a guy sitting on a weight machine looked up at me and said with a warm smile, "Hello!" I was taken aback. People don't talk to each other in that gym; they keep to themselves, do their workouts and leave. Even people who see each other every week don't speak. But I grinned at this guy and said "Hello" right back at him. The funny thing is that I kept right on smiling. That "hello" for no reason other than to be friendly, made me feel really good. When Jim picked me up an hour or so later, I said, "You want to hear an odd thing that just happened?" And I told him about the guy at the gym. "Well, that's nice," he said.

The following day, as I rounded the corner of 50th and Park, and stopped to rummage around in my purse for my phone, a tiny elderly, very cute woman came up to me and said, "Excuse me, but I absolutely have to tell you how much I love your outfit! You look great!" "How really wonderful of you," I said, "My daughter gave me this dress. I'll tell her what you said. You've really made my day!" "Well, you've made mine," she said, and we went our separate ways - both smiling.

What's going on?" I asked myself. Have people decided to become friendlier? Did I miss something? Then I read a piece in the New York Times that had been written a few days earlier by Elizabeth Dunn and Michael Norton titled, "Hello, Stranger" and decided good karma was definitely at work in my life. Now I'm not saying the guy at the gym and the tiny, cute lady both read the same article but who knows? Here's the gist of the piece: Recent experiments prove that people who "break the rules" of no direct contact - whether they're commuting or walking into a coffee shop - and actually strike up a conversation - had, much to their surprise, far more pleasant experiences than those who just kept to themselves. And, amazingly, no one in the studies reported that they had been snubbed!! In fact, the conversations were really friendly. The funny thing is, we not only don't annoy people with whom we initiate a conversation, we actually make them happy.

Willa, our Golden Retriever, has, of course, always known that. Years ago she appointed herself the official "Central Park Greeter." The minute she sees people gathered together chatting, she drags Jim and me over to them so she can wag her tail, grin and do everything she can to let them know how thrilled she is to see them. They always stop to pet her, start laughing and inevitably begin talking to her - and to us. We've met people from all over the world thanks to Willa. So let's loosen up. Let's break the old "no eye contact, no talking except on our iPhones" rules and see who we can make happy. Including ourselves. Hey, it worked in Ohio...

Here's the link to the NYT article:

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/26/opinion/sunday/hello-stranger.html?_r=0

Monday Morning Motivator: THE HARD IS WHAT MAKES IT GREAT...

2014-04-28T09:00:00.000Z

THE HARD IS WHAT MAKES IT GREAT...

One of my favorite quotes (besides "There's no crying in baseball!") is from the 1992 film, A League of Their Own, directed by Penny Marshall, with an all-star cast featuring Tom Hanks as the recovering alcoholic manager and Gena Davis as the team's catcher. It's about a women's professional baseball team that's actually based on the All-American Girls' Professional Baseball League created in 1943 when most of the men of baseball-playing age were away fighting the war.

There's a point in the film when Gena Davis walks up to Tom Hanks and announces that she's quitting the team. "Why would you quit?!!" Hanks shouts. "It just got too hard," Davis says. Then Hanks says with great intensity, "Hard? It's supposed to be hard...if it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great."

Okay, it's hard. It's hard to be the first one to try something - anything - new, anything different. It's hard to come up with a new idea, a new business, a new product, a new color, or word, or style or sound - or just a new way of looking at the world. Being second is a lot easier. Then you can refine and improve somebody else's idea. And maybe even get the credit for making it work. And there's nothing wrong with that. But being the first one out there, or rather hanging out there, with the "new thing" - whatever it is - is in a class (or a league) of its own... and carries a kick all its own. It's the flyers we take that thrill us. But not everyone would agree...

"What's wrong with the way we already do it?" one hears over and over. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." (Boy, I hate that saying..) or "Why do you always have to rock the boat?" Or, "Okay, fine. We'll do a focus group on it, but I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you.!" It takes a certain kind of gutsyness to hang out there with nothing but the love of your idea to keep you warm, to believe that the "kick of the risk" will be its own reward...even if the idea doesn't fly. And speaking of flying, just think of Wilbur and Orville. People laughed their heads off at the idea of somebody - other than birds - actually flying. Can you imagine if the Wright boys had put their "flying machine" through a focus group?

As Steve Jobs famously asserted, true innovation comes from identifying an unmet need and designing a creative way to fill it. But focus groups can't identify those needs because most of us don't know what we're missing until we experience it. I still remember my mom saying, " But why in the world would anyone want a phone in their car?!"

But hanging out there - or hanging in there - is hard. It comes with the (new) territory. Every time I drive along the Hudson River I think about good ol' Henry braving his way, not knowing what, if anything, he'd find but sailing on... It must have been hard. If it weren't somebody would already have sailed that river...somebody would already have created that "flying machine," or...invented the thing you might be thinking of right now.

So be brave. Be willing to stand alone. Cry if you have to, but remember where the kick and the thrill are. And wrap your arms around the "hard"...because that'swhat makes it great.

Oh, and stay away from focus groups - at least at the beginning.. Remember what my mom said...

Here's the clip from the film... http://youtu.be/BNeWa8zH3_8

Monday Morning Motivator: STOP DOING FOR A MINUTE...AND START BEING

2014-04-21T09:00:00.000Z

STOP DOING FOR A MINUTE...AND START BEING

When did just hanging out go out of fashion? When did doing nothing become synonymous with laziness? When did we decide that if we weren't constantly connected we were totally out of touch? When did we go from human beings to human doings? And can we go back again?

Yes. We can. We just have to learn - or re-learn - how to be. But that's easier said than done in the work-obsessed, tech-saturated, everything's a crisis, hyper-connected lives. Just "being" may be a lost art. But maybe we can find it again. And maybe we'd better do it sooner than later because it -doing less/being more - just may be critical not only to our "well being," whatever that is, but to our happiness...and our ability to live with "ease" rather than "dis-ease..." Hey, did you ever notice how you seem more susceptible to being "caught by" a cold or the flu or whatever's wafting around, when you're strung out? I don't just mean tired, I mean strung out - as in wiped - caused by too many distractions, too much work, too much travel, too many deadlines, too many of life's pushes and pulls that actually pull us to pieces at the very moment we need to be "whole." Hey, it happens. But it needs to happen less. (And just for the record, neuroscientists tell us that some of our best breakthrough ideas come when we completely disconnect from "goal-oriented" activities and embrace the "white space" of total disengagement...)

So starting today, stop for a minute, "settle" and allow a fresh breeze to blow through your mind. Invite in a random thought that may not lead anywhere. Let that random thought marinate, percolate - and then just "cogitate" for awhile. Don't try to make an actual decision. You can do that later (maybe.) Say out loud, "It's okay, it's all good, it doesn't have to add up to anything, I don't have to file a report. I don't have to make sense of anything. I don't have to control everything. I can laugh for no reason and practice taking absolutely nothing seriously. I can "waste" time and love every precious minute of it. I don't have to win. I just have to play.

I have a wonderful friend named Barbara Brennan. She's got "being" down. She practices it every day. She tells the story of how when her nieces and nephews would join her on a trip to somewhere they said what all little kids say, "Are we there yet???" And she would reply. "We'll be there soon enough. But right now, we are here. And here is very good." Barbara's signature t-shirt has this printed on it, "Just B." Those of us lucky enough to be her friends (and to have been given one of her very cool t-shirts), know what that means. It's more than her initial, it's her mantra. Oh, and this is one of my favorite B.Brennan quotes: "I don't have time for the drama of life. If it's not real, I'd prefer to take a nap." (Oh, by the way, you don't have to take a nap to dream.)

Human beings are wonderful things. Be one.

Monday Morning Motivator: I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN IS GONE...

2014-04-14T09:00:00.000Z

I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW, THE RAIN IS GONE...

"...I can see all the obstacles in my way, gone are the dark clouds that had me blind, It's gonna be a bright, bright Sun-Shiny day..."

I always loved that song written and sung by Johnny Nash - and it popped into my head this morning when I found myself amazed by the extreme bright "blueness" of the sky. I'm sure it's been that color before, maybe even bluer, but I guess it had faded from my memory with gray having been the predominant shade for so long. "Boy, is it clear," I said out loud to Willa (our Golden Retriever). She thumped her tail and gave a little whimper, eager to get out in all that "blueness." (Can dogs see blue?) Then I started thinking about the word, "clarity" - the opposite of "clutter," right? And how easy it is to lose it. "Dark clouds" in the form of the emotional and physical debris we pack around ourselves blind us to the possibilities that a whole new season, when everything in nature has the chutzpah to begin again...can bring.

So what do we do? Here's the two word answer: Let go. Let go of all the unused or overused "stuff" we've piled up during the last year (or more) - the too tight sweaters, the too small view of ourselves, the mismatched socks, the single gloves (I know it's leather....throw it out anyway) the keys with no locks, the make-up from your "old" look, the stuff in your medicine chest (like old meds for old diseases (bad karma....)

And what about the old doubts? The old fears - of failing, of looking foolish, of just plain messing up? The fear that maybe somebody isn't going to "like" you, buy your act, give you the nod? How about letting go of anything - from old rugs to old grudges - that you don't want to pass on to the people you love....?

Okay, this is the time of year I always ask people to "throw out fifty things” which is the name of my last book. Why fifty? Because when you actually get rid of 50 things - the keys, the anger, the lip liner (that isn't a color found in nature)...something comes over you. You get your energy and optimism back. And then you ask yourself this question: "Hey, if I could do that, what else could I do?" And you realize you're free. Free to create anything you want - including the next great, bright, sun-shiny chapter of your life.

Oh, I forgot to mention, magazines and catalogs only count as one thing... But that's okay, to help you make it to “fifty,” you can download the free "Throw Out Fifty Things Workbook" from my website and order a copy of Throw Out Fifty Things: Clear the Clutter, Find Your Life. from Amazon. Together, they'll get you there.

And as you're tossing, donating and recycling (except for the grudges) you can sing along with Johnny...

“Look all around, there’s nothin’ but blue skies, Look straight ahead, there’s nothin’ but blue skies...."

Play it!

Monday Morning Motivator: BETTER THAN SHE’S EVER BEEN...

2014-04-07T09:00:00.000Z

BETTER THAN SHE’S EVER BEEN...

I betcha Spring is best this year

Better than she’s ever been

Or tried to be...

Like warmer and wearing a great big grin

And full of gin....and tonic.

I betcha she comes swingin’ in

Takes a bow, does a spin,

Then holds her pose

And waits...

for the applause

So raise your glass,

Give her a cheer

(Okay, she was late but she made it here!)

Then maybe she’ll come sooner

Like, next year...

I wrote the first stanza of this little poem when I lived in Washington (and just decided to finish it today.) I was about 24 years old...and it was spring. I had a job I really liked (writing motivational radio spots for the famous retired football coach of the Oklahoma Sooners, Bud Wilkinson, who’d become head of the President’s Council on Physical Fitness) - and was dating a cute guy (who wrote speeches for Sargent Schriver, head of the Peace Corps.) I expected nothing but the best from a DC spring. And it was...gorgeous. But that was way before I met our spring - this spring - the spring who came so late we’d almost given up on her. And what I know about people, especially women (myself included) is that positive reinforcement works. So right as we are, about how wrong she was to come so late - we’ve got to make a big fuss that she showed up at all....

So when you walk outside on that first, gorgeous, warm, soft morning - reach your arms out and say out loud, “Just in time, kiddo! Thanks for showing up....” Because there are a lot of springs in your future and you’ve got to take ‘em as they come: late/early, long/short, wet/dry - and somehow make 'em totally fabulous. “Like warmer and wearing a great big grin...and full of gin and tonic.” You can do it.

Monday Morning Motivator: DON'T DO THE MAN WITH THE JACK!

2014-03-31T09:00:00.000Z

DON'T DO THE MAN WITH THE JACK!

There's an old story, originally made famous by the legendary comedian, Danny Thomas, that my dad told me when I was a kid. It popped into my head the other day...and not a moment too soon. Here's how the story goes:

There's this traveling salesman who gets stuck one dark night with a flat tire on a lonely country road. He pops open the trunk and sees the spare but there's no jack. "Oh Great! That's all I need!" he yells. "Now I've got to walk all the way back to that gas station I passed three miles ago!"

He starts walking and as he walks, he starts talking to himself. "How much is the gas station guy going to charge me for renting a jack? One dollar? Maybe two? But wait, it's the middle of the night, so maybe there's an after-hours fee - he'll probably tack on another 5 bucks!" Then he gets really worked up. "I know, he'll figure I have no place else to go, he's got me over a barrel and he'll charge me ten bucks more, the jerk!!"

He keeps on walking and fuming and swearing and the price and the anger keep rising higher and higher...and higher. Finally, he gets to the service station, walks straight up to the station owner and punches him square in the mouth. "You wanna know what you can do with your stinkin’ jack??!" he shouts. And he stomps the three miles back to his car...with no jack.

End of story.

Okay, so in our family "doing the man with the jack," as we call it, is an ever present danger. Assuming the absolute worst - of people, situations and life in general - is a pit we can fall into on any given day. And when we do, we can actually create the situation we dread... I fell into it three days ago.

Here's the story: We moved our offices last week. We're very happy with our new space - it's light, airy and friendly. But stuff started to go wrong. The new phones cost more than we'd thought they would. My first client arrived and the security people downstairs (with whom we’d carefully cleared him) told him he was “not secure” and refused to allow him up to our floor. (I went down and after much discussion, was allowed to escort him up...) And here's the kicker, no one told us that the office doors locked automatically when you closed them, so Annie, my administrative assistant, found herself locked out of her office (it was on Saturday) with her purse and coat locked inside. The security people said they couldn’t help her and told her to call a locksmith. She found one on Google. She had to pay him $300 (cash) to pick the lock on our door.

"That does it!!." I shouted. What's gonna happen next?? Wait'll I tell the building people about this, not that they'll care! I mean, I signed a lease. They’ve got me over a barrel. Get somebody on the phone!" And then this quiet voice (my dad's) said, "Don't do the man with the Jack, Sweetheart! Don't make an enemy...you're going to be there for a while, ya know." I took a breath, let it out and then I started remembering what we really liked about our new space...and started assuming the best possible outcome. I worked so hard at it that I was actually smiling when I finally talked to the building manager. In fact, I couldn't have been nicer. Neither could he. I told him I was sure he’d take care of everything. And he did - including reimbursing us for the 300 bucks. I told him how much I appreciated him and that I had absolutely no doubt that things would go beautifully in the future. He said he’d make sure they did. And so far...they have.

So stay out of that “how bad could it get?!" pit, okay? And don’t do the man with the jack! As Martin Seligman, author of Learned Optimism, found from his research on pessimism: It doesn't pay...

Monday Morning Motivator: HAVING FUN THAT IS FUNNY

2014-03-24T09:00:00.000Z

HAVING FUN THAT IS FUNNY

You remember Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat: "I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny, but we can have lots of good fun that is funny.”

Well, it’s not sunny - and it sure is wet - and it hasn’t been all that much fun lately - or all that funny. Spring seems to be taking her good ol’ time, playing hard to get, flirting with us, doing the old bait and switch routine. And Winter, well, he’s like that guest who doesn’t “get it” that the party ended an hour ago and wants to have one more drink... But here’s the thing: Having fun is good for us. We need to have a lot more of it. Being silly is good, too. So is acting like a kid. Kids know how to have fun. Until they grow up and forget. It’s time for us to remember. And maybe forget the constant obsession to “succeed"” (whatever that means), to be perfect (for what?), to know everything (why, to intimidate others?) When you think about it, that’s just not that much fun. That’s why Dr. Seuss also said, “It is fun to have fun...but you have to know how.”

“Knowing how” can't be all that hard, can it? Well, of course, it is if we’re afraid of looking foolish. (Kids just love to look foolish.) Or afraid of having people laugh at us. (Kids love to be laughed at...for any reason.) Or afraid of being made uh, fun of. (What would be so bad about that? At least somebody would be laughing.) Maybe we should forget about doing the "serious stuff" all the time - and concentrate on doing the "fun stuff" some of the time. It could be really, really good for us. Here are a few “fun” things to try...

1. Make up silly new words. Remember “Jabberwoky” by Lewis Carroll? I loved “all mimsy were the borogroves...” A lot of things look “mimsy” when you think about it.. Someone recently made up the word, “fawsome” - which means someone who’s wonderful but has flaws which he readily admits to and goes from being merely admired to being beloved. Another new word is “Bromance” - a close but non-sexual relationship between two guys. Or “chillax” which means to calm down and relax. Or here’s a good one: “Girrrl” - a young woman who’s independent and strong...especially in her attitude towards men... (I made up the word, “angrify.” It’s not that funny.)

2. Do funny imitations - maybe of somebody you've seen on TV, or you work with - or live with. Our daughter, Abigail, used to do her "Groucho Walk" when she was about 3. She’d walk all bent over, carrying something - like paper - in her mouth and swinging her head back and forth. We laughed our heads off. Just thinking about it makes me laugh. I think I'll do an imitation of her "Groucho" tonight when I see her. It’ll crack her up.

3. Make fun of your own "imperfections" - like how you can't carry a tune - but you just sing anyway. Kids don't care if they have the notes right; they just sing it. Make up a silly song. I made up a song for Willa, our infamous Golden Retriever. It’s called, “The Doggie Girl Song.” Here are the lyrics: “You’re the doggie girl, doggie, doggie, doggie, doggie, doggie girl. You’re the doggie girl, you are the doggie girrrrrrrrrrl! Yeah!” Willa loves it. It makes her “smile” which tickles her nose which makes her sneeze. But she doesn’t care. She just jumps up and licks my face.

So when’s the last time you laughed til you sneezed? I thought so. Look, we’ve all got to get down and lighten up! And being willing to look foolish isn't only good for your psyche, it's good for your professional life, too. Remember the last four words Steve Jobs said at the end of his commencement address to the 2005 Stanford grads: "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish." And I'd add, Stay Child-Like. You can't create, you can't invent, you can't re-imagine the future if you're up tight, ticked off and worried about how you look, ie., not foolish. You're always going to look a little foolish if you’re out to create something that's crazy-fabulous. But maybe you'll have "fun that is funny” in the process - and so will the people around you. And then maybe you can all laugh all the way to the bank...