The Keeper of the Objects
When I can get perspective on my life, I realize that I have made myself The Keeper of the Objects.
I find it very hard to let go of usable things.
If I can give them away, fine. But throwing them out is difficult.
For instance -- how am I going to get rid of lacy undergarments? I can't give them away to Goodwill. They've hardly ever been worn, but they've been worn enough that I can't give them to someone else.. I'll never wear them again. They're taking up space in my underwear drawer, and when I'm looking for something I WILL wear, they get in the way. I hate to think of their pretty little lacy selves going into the pit at the transfer station.
And what's really strange is that I always cleared out the houses of my relatives that died, and I had no problem tossing out their stuff. In fact, after my father died, and I had to clear out his stuff and mother's, I thought, here they held on to all this crap, and now look -- they've died, and I'm throwing it out. How ridiculous that it hampered their lives.
So why, with all this insight, do I find it so difficult to part with Perfect Objects?
Some of the things I keep are items that others would consider garbage. But they're USEFUL.
For instance -- perfect jars. Perfect boxes. Perfect wine bottles! How about the bags of air that Amazon uses to pack their shipments? I've got a whole huge bag of those. I occasionally have use for them, as when I'm sending things out at Christmas. But the rest of the year? I think -- there are people who need these. If only I could get them to someone who's doing a lot of packing! So I keep them, many more than I could ever use.
I find something obscene in the linear garbage stream in our industrialized society. If I can recycle it, fine.
But if it isn't recyclable, I'm in trouble. "Waste is a resource that you haven't found a use for yet."
It's the Henry Ford thing. He realized he could use the wooden palettes that his car parts arrived in as floorboards on his Model T. So I think, I'm just not being clever enough, I just haven't found the use for this apparently worthless thing yet.
I have objects sitting in the bottom of my recycling bin that I KNOW aren't recyclable. When I load things up, I leave those in the depths of the bin, rather than throw them out. Same thing with the garbage can in my office. There are things in the bottom of the can that I'm STORING there.
Oh, this is a sickness.
I'm just starting Gail's book, and hoping that I can get on a roll. After looking at her book online, before I even started reading, the first thing I did was to throw out 50 things from drawers in my bathroom. BUT -- I rescued a few things from the garbage. The half-full bag of potpourri. I don't dare put it in my compost pile, because there's a warning on it to "keep away from pets and children." What's in that stuff, anyway? I'm going downstairs right now and throwing it out again. Back in a minute.
Okay, I put the potpourri in the garbage. And even as I threw it away, I thought -- but what if someone NEEDS some potpourri, they could have THIS. Oh, brother.
I remember the huge houseful of junk that my parents left behind. My father, especially, was quite the pack rat. He grew up during the depression, and kept everything. My mother's father also kept everything, though he kept it neatly and his house didn't give the impression of being cluttered. I remember, for instance, that every day he would take his newspaper out of its plastic wrapper. He added the wrapper to the ever larger roll of them in his kitchen cabinet. And once in a great while, he needed a plastic wrapper, and he would peel one off the roll and use it. Needless to say, when he died, I threw out the roll of plastic wrappers.
During my mother's long illness with cancer, my parents moved, and I came down to help them. My younger brother and I were slogging through all the junk, trying to get it all packed up. We came across an unopened, but empty, Sprite can. We asked Mother about it. She had gotten it from a vending machine. A fluke. Empty. She called it one of her "treasures." My brother popped the top, and it became garbage. It was a hostile act, but I realized that he had suffered from her clutter. Her children should have been Mother's real treasures, not her junk. When he helped me clear out their house after my father's death, my brother said, "That house was itself a form of child abuse."
Do I maybe feel guilty about having been so judgmental on my parents for their inability to part with things? So I'm adopting THEIR neurosis? Because I never had trouble throwing things away when I was younger.
One thing to remind myself is that everyone else is throwing things away, so it's ridiculous for me to be the Keeper of the Objects.
I have a neighbor who doesn't have any problem throwing things out. I've been horrified at some of the useful things she tosses. She doesn't even recycle! I told her about the book, confessed that I had a problem (she was surprised because she hasn't seen my storage room, my drawers or my office). I told her that I'd thrown out 50 things the day before. And I said, "And today, I went out to my garden and pulled 50 weeds." She said, "Only day two, and you're already lying to yourself about it!"
Well, she didn't realize that what I was pulling was Chickweed, which is quite tasty - a cross between parsley and tarragon - and because it's USEFUL, I had let it grow until it had taken over my small garden. Once I pulled it, my garden looked so beautiful, with its full heads of lettuce that had been obscured. I didn't compost all the Chickweed - I put some in a separate pot, and now I'm still harvesting it for salads and sandwiches. (Tossing my Chickweed and eating it too.) But my neighbor didn't realize what it took for me even to pull out and throw away a USABLE plant! Something LIVING!!
I think I know a major origin of my psychosis.
Did you watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer as a child? Remember the Island of Misfit toys?
Mmm-hmmm. Poor lonely toys. If only someone would match them up with the loving, needy child.
Thanks, Rudolph! I think I'm letting down a misfit object if I don't match it with someone who could use it.
Those lacy undergarments are laying a guilt trip on me. So is the half-bag of toxic potpourri, calling to me from the garbage can. "You could put a label on me that says "Free" and leave me where someone could find me." Getting useful things to people takes time, time I need to spend on my REAL LIFE.
Today, driving into the village, I saw a sign that said "Free things." There was a card table under a tent. I didn't want to take anything. What I wanted to do was come back under cover of darkness, and leave a bunch of stuff. The poor woman! She would come out hoping to have gotten rid of her junk only to find that others have increased her wealth of worthless objects! It's a good idea. I'd put out a free pile myself, except that I live on a private road.
Well, we'll see if I can get the better of this. I envision going to the other extreme and throwing out EVERYthing. Sitting naked in a bare room. Sounds lovely!
Did I mention the two non-recyclable containers that originally contained 50 dinner rolls, and would make PERFECT cake storage? So of course I kept them, even though I seldom bake cakes. The other day, my husband made the mistake of looking for something in my storage room, and they fell on his head. Now he's really frustrated with me. Did I throw them out? Of course not! I'm considering baking a cake, just so I can justify keeping them!
My husband has no problem throwing things out, and although his father grew up dirt-poor, he doesn't hold on to objects. Sometimes my in-laws may go too far. For instance, they helped me and my brother clear out my Grandfather's house after he died. My father-in-law went to my Grandfather's bathroom and threw out everything in the cabinet. He even went into the shower and threw out my brother's shampoo, so that we weren't able to wash our hair. BUT! My in-laws live in a beautiful house full of light, with no clutter.
I'm going to get there. And realize my potential. And not just be the Keeper of the Objects.
I might even force myself to throw out some really useful things along the way.
The stupid thing is that after I've thrown something out, I don't ever think about it again. Once the potpourri is safely in the maw of the garbage squasher, it'll be gone from my head. So if I can just force myself to do it--
Okay, Step one: Read the book.
Thanks, everyone, for listening. Now you can all see that there is someone much much sicker than any of you, and just knowing that fact should give you the courage you need to discard your next 50 things.
Cheers! Happy decluttering!
Katie
I find it very hard to let go of usable things.
If I can give them away, fine. But throwing them out is difficult.
For instance -- how am I going to get rid of lacy undergarments? I can't give them away to Goodwill. They've hardly ever been worn, but they've been worn enough that I can't give them to someone else.. I'll never wear them again. They're taking up space in my underwear drawer, and when I'm looking for something I WILL wear, they get in the way. I hate to think of their pretty little lacy selves going into the pit at the transfer station.
And what's really strange is that I always cleared out the houses of my relatives that died, and I had no problem tossing out their stuff. In fact, after my father died, and I had to clear out his stuff and mother's, I thought, here they held on to all this crap, and now look -- they've died, and I'm throwing it out. How ridiculous that it hampered their lives.
So why, with all this insight, do I find it so difficult to part with Perfect Objects?
Some of the things I keep are items that others would consider garbage. But they're USEFUL.
For instance -- perfect jars. Perfect boxes. Perfect wine bottles! How about the bags of air that Amazon uses to pack their shipments? I've got a whole huge bag of those. I occasionally have use for them, as when I'm sending things out at Christmas. But the rest of the year? I think -- there are people who need these. If only I could get them to someone who's doing a lot of packing! So I keep them, many more than I could ever use.
I find something obscene in the linear garbage stream in our industrialized society. If I can recycle it, fine.
But if it isn't recyclable, I'm in trouble. "Waste is a resource that you haven't found a use for yet."
It's the Henry Ford thing. He realized he could use the wooden palettes that his car parts arrived in as floorboards on his Model T. So I think, I'm just not being clever enough, I just haven't found the use for this apparently worthless thing yet.
I have objects sitting in the bottom of my recycling bin that I KNOW aren't recyclable. When I load things up, I leave those in the depths of the bin, rather than throw them out. Same thing with the garbage can in my office. There are things in the bottom of the can that I'm STORING there.
Oh, this is a sickness.
I'm just starting Gail's book, and hoping that I can get on a roll. After looking at her book online, before I even started reading, the first thing I did was to throw out 50 things from drawers in my bathroom. BUT -- I rescued a few things from the garbage. The half-full bag of potpourri. I don't dare put it in my compost pile, because there's a warning on it to "keep away from pets and children." What's in that stuff, anyway? I'm going downstairs right now and throwing it out again. Back in a minute.
Okay, I put the potpourri in the garbage. And even as I threw it away, I thought -- but what if someone NEEDS some potpourri, they could have THIS. Oh, brother.
I remember the huge houseful of junk that my parents left behind. My father, especially, was quite the pack rat. He grew up during the depression, and kept everything. My mother's father also kept everything, though he kept it neatly and his house didn't give the impression of being cluttered. I remember, for instance, that every day he would take his newspaper out of its plastic wrapper. He added the wrapper to the ever larger roll of them in his kitchen cabinet. And once in a great while, he needed a plastic wrapper, and he would peel one off the roll and use it. Needless to say, when he died, I threw out the roll of plastic wrappers.
During my mother's long illness with cancer, my parents moved, and I came down to help them. My younger brother and I were slogging through all the junk, trying to get it all packed up. We came across an unopened, but empty, Sprite can. We asked Mother about it. She had gotten it from a vending machine. A fluke. Empty. She called it one of her "treasures." My brother popped the top, and it became garbage. It was a hostile act, but I realized that he had suffered from her clutter. Her children should have been Mother's real treasures, not her junk. When he helped me clear out their house after my father's death, my brother said, "That house was itself a form of child abuse."
Do I maybe feel guilty about having been so judgmental on my parents for their inability to part with things? So I'm adopting THEIR neurosis? Because I never had trouble throwing things away when I was younger.
One thing to remind myself is that everyone else is throwing things away, so it's ridiculous for me to be the Keeper of the Objects.
I have a neighbor who doesn't have any problem throwing things out. I've been horrified at some of the useful things she tosses. She doesn't even recycle! I told her about the book, confessed that I had a problem (she was surprised because she hasn't seen my storage room, my drawers or my office). I told her that I'd thrown out 50 things the day before. And I said, "And today, I went out to my garden and pulled 50 weeds." She said, "Only day two, and you're already lying to yourself about it!"
Well, she didn't realize that what I was pulling was Chickweed, which is quite tasty - a cross between parsley and tarragon - and because it's USEFUL, I had let it grow until it had taken over my small garden. Once I pulled it, my garden looked so beautiful, with its full heads of lettuce that had been obscured. I didn't compost all the Chickweed - I put some in a separate pot, and now I'm still harvesting it for salads and sandwiches. (Tossing my Chickweed and eating it too.) But my neighbor didn't realize what it took for me even to pull out and throw away a USABLE plant! Something LIVING!!
I think I know a major origin of my psychosis.
Did you watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer as a child? Remember the Island of Misfit toys?
Mmm-hmmm. Poor lonely toys. If only someone would match them up with the loving, needy child.
Thanks, Rudolph! I think I'm letting down a misfit object if I don't match it with someone who could use it.
Those lacy undergarments are laying a guilt trip on me. So is the half-bag of toxic potpourri, calling to me from the garbage can. "You could put a label on me that says "Free" and leave me where someone could find me." Getting useful things to people takes time, time I need to spend on my REAL LIFE.
Today, driving into the village, I saw a sign that said "Free things." There was a card table under a tent. I didn't want to take anything. What I wanted to do was come back under cover of darkness, and leave a bunch of stuff. The poor woman! She would come out hoping to have gotten rid of her junk only to find that others have increased her wealth of worthless objects! It's a good idea. I'd put out a free pile myself, except that I live on a private road.
Well, we'll see if I can get the better of this. I envision going to the other extreme and throwing out EVERYthing. Sitting naked in a bare room. Sounds lovely!
Did I mention the two non-recyclable containers that originally contained 50 dinner rolls, and would make PERFECT cake storage? So of course I kept them, even though I seldom bake cakes. The other day, my husband made the mistake of looking for something in my storage room, and they fell on his head. Now he's really frustrated with me. Did I throw them out? Of course not! I'm considering baking a cake, just so I can justify keeping them!
My husband has no problem throwing things out, and although his father grew up dirt-poor, he doesn't hold on to objects. Sometimes my in-laws may go too far. For instance, they helped me and my brother clear out my Grandfather's house after he died. My father-in-law went to my Grandfather's bathroom and threw out everything in the cabinet. He even went into the shower and threw out my brother's shampoo, so that we weren't able to wash our hair. BUT! My in-laws live in a beautiful house full of light, with no clutter.
I'm going to get there. And realize my potential. And not just be the Keeper of the Objects.
I might even force myself to throw out some really useful things along the way.
The stupid thing is that after I've thrown something out, I don't ever think about it again. Once the potpourri is safely in the maw of the garbage squasher, it'll be gone from my head. So if I can just force myself to do it--
Okay, Step one: Read the book.
Thanks, everyone, for listening. Now you can all see that there is someone much much sicker than any of you, and just knowing that fact should give you the courage you need to discard your next 50 things.
Cheers! Happy decluttering!
Katie
Tags: Rudolph, can't, go, let, neurosis, not, objects, perfect, perfection, psychosis, More…
Views: 41
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by Marilyn (Meme) on
-
hugs- you are very brave to write all this and you do have great insight of where you are right now- I could have written this 2 or 3 years ago---and even still battle the keep it in case at times- I realized one day that I could not keep or use it all and that even though I may think it is something good- no one else does--- I will share sometime what really made me start realizing that stuff is not any good if it is just sitting in my space collecting dust-------but that is another story for another day.
I do want to say that this is just part of who you are and not all of you--you are not your stuff- and you are a good writer and I did laugh at the cake-possibilities!
Gales book will help you and you may have to do the program more than one time- but you have made an awesome start and just admitting to your self is a huge step-
keep on keeping on---hugs from Meme
-
Permalink Reply by Katie Zee on -
Thanks, Meme! I hope it doesn't matter to go out of order in the book, because my office is what's really sapping my energy right now, with piles of papers.
Years ago, I had a job where I was a very very productive employee. But my office had stacks and stacks of paper around it.
After I left, I went back to visit, and the woman who had taken over my job had a beautiful office, decorated with artwork.
Of course, I don't think she was as productive as I was, but I probably could have achieved that without all the stacks.
(Then, too, she sued the owner for sexual harrassment - but he deserved it. He never harrassed me because I was always too busy.)
ANYWAY, the point of the story is that I want to be the well dressed woman in the beautiful office -- with her lawyer on speed dial (LOL!)
-
Permalink Reply by Katie Zee on
-
"Did I mention the two non-recyclable containers that originally contained 50 dinner rolls, and would make PERFECT cake storage?"
Okay, so yesterday I attended a pot luck, and when figuring out what to bring, I decided to use one of my dinner roll containers. Upside down, it turned out to be a perfect bowl for spicy popcorn, with a secure lid for transporting. The popcorn was a hit, when I left there was only a third of it left, and I didn't take it home. I walked away. One less container to fall on my husband's head.
The problem I had with that gathering is that nothing was recycled. There were the usual big trash cans where everyone was dumping everything together -- food plates, plastic forks, aluminum cans, bottles. I do have a huge issue with our society's linear trash stream. Would it have been so difficult to set up recycling trash cans? Would anyone have been aware enough to use them?
Thankfully it wasn't my party. I'd have spent hours fishing aluminum cans out of the regular garbage. (Look, there's Katie, making sure every blessed piece of aluminum is reused!)
Moral of the story (multiple choice)
A. Don't give parties
B. Don't attend parties
C. Bring your own stealth recycling bin
D. Feel good about having given one round of recycling to the dinner rolls container, and move on.
-
Permalink Reply by Peggy Means on
-
Thank you for writing. You gave me a laugh when you talked about the poor lady finding more stuff on her free table!! That's priceless. I dare you to do it!! Hey, put the potpourri in a plastic bag and take to a nursing home. They need prizes for games. I think the jest of Gail's book is not just to throw away (garbage), but to throw out. If you have something that could brighten someone else's day, you're still throwing it out. It's the ultimate recycling.
Happy decluttering, dear Katie!! (a kindred spirit)
Peggy
-
Permalink Reply by Katie Zee on
-
Peggy-
I'm afraid to give the potpourri to the elderly. The instructions say, "keep away from children and animals." While old people aren't specified, it still might send them into a downward spiral of aggravated dementia. All because I couldn't throw something out. So far, that potpourri's still in the garbage! and I'm feeling pretty good about leaving it there. (Gee - I hope it doesn't wind up seeping down into the water table, poisoning people's wells. Headlines: Authorities looking for mystery polluter, taking fingerprints from bag, hope to make an arrest soon...)
Thankfully, the transfer station already has the entire box of Alka-Selzer Plus packets I threw away before I could fob them off on some unsuspecting old lady whose eyes were too weak to realize they expired in 2006.
In the past, I've pretty much ignored those expiration dates, but clearing out my vitamin drawer was an eye opener -- one of the bottles expired in 1998!! I guess those capsules are just solid bacteria at this point.
Sad story - I once tossed a whole bottle of potassium capsules on the compost pile after my doctor told me it was dangerous to take them because they speed up your heart. It was winter and the compost was a big solid lump. Well, the capsules didn't freeze, and since they were the only non-frozen thing, a couple of possums helped themselves, and I guess had heart attacks, because I found them deceased in my tool shed. So I HAVE caused a couple of deaths with my inability to throw away.
Let's hope those are the last two souls to make the ultimate sacrifice to my cluttering ways.
:-)
P.S. I might have to take you up on your dare. Suppose the table is gone, though. Should I leave stuff on the woman's porch? What if she's a gun nut, one of those people displaying a poster that shows the barrel of a gun and a slogan that says, "I don't call 911." Are there rules about shooting people who are trying to LEAVE stuff at your house, as opposed to stealing it?
Peggy Means said:Thank you for writing. You gave me a laugh when you talked about the poor lady finding more stuff on her free table!! That's priceless. I dare you to do it!! Hey, put the potpourri in a plastic bag and take to a nursing home. They need prizes for games. I think the jest of Gail's book is not just to throw away (garbage), but to throw out. If you have something that could brighten someone else's day, you're still throwing it out. It's the ultimate recycling.
Happy decluttering, dear Katie!! (a kindred spirit)
Peggy
-
Permalink Reply by Gail Blanke on -
Good heavens, Katie! Boy, are you hard on yourself! You're NOT The Keeper of the Objects. As it stands now, they're the keepers of you! Good thing they let you hang around! No, seriously, this was an extremely entertaining blog - what a rich and colorful writer you are. But here's the thing and you said this yourself: once you've thrown something out you never even think about it again. Think how clear your mind will be when you toss all this irrelevant (useful, but not to you) stuff! We are what we think about - so don't clutter up your thoughts with a bunch of debris from the past. I'm sorry your parents laid all that stuff on you - and your brother's comment made me sad. But who says you have to continue the pattern? Cut it right here; right now. Actually, you've already started. Hey, there's a resource guide in the back of the book for how to recycle/give away just about anything - so you can feel good about it - especially if someone else can use your stuff. Except for the undies, of course. Toss 'em.
Btw, you can call the guys at 1-800GotJunk or www.gotjunk.com and they'll come and take everything away and dispose of it properly. There are plenty of other sites like that, too.
I love chickweek, too. But I'm glad you cleared it all out. (Love the idea of putting it in pots.) So now the lettuce can breathe. Next step is for Katie to be able to breathe...
Gail
-
Permalink Reply by Katie Zee on
-
Gail,
You are so right about throwing things away = clarity of mind!
Last week, I took 4 boxes containing 160 of my Dad's LPs to the thrift store. I realized that I was never going to sell them one by one. So I made a detailed list, and got a receipt from the Salvation Army, and I'll deduct something from my taxes. Now I've only got about 2000 more to sort through, but I feel lighter already.
I never have trouble giving something away. If it's recyclable, that's great.
It's things going to waste that bothers me.
But - the potpourri made it out the door without me pulling it from the garbage. Progress!
I threw out the plastic container from the rotisserie chicken that was 5 & 6 plastic, so non-recyclable. (I think I had actually pulled that from my neighbor's garbage when I went to feed his cats, and cleaned it up and stored it - I mean, it's so perfectly shaped like a CHICKEN.) In the garbage! Progress!
And my office is looking pretty good. We had visitors last week, so we cleaned and cleaned and cleaned.
Always a good idea to have imminent visitors.
Now if I could only walk into my storage room. Egads!
LOL! -Katie
Gail Blanke said:Good heavens, Katie! Boy, are you hard on yourself! You're NOT The Keeper of the Objects. As it stands now, they're the keepers of you! Good thing they let you hang around! No, seriously, this was an extremely entertaining blog - what a rich and colorful writer you are. But here's the thing and you said this yourself: once you've thrown something out you never even think about it again. Think how clear your mind will be when you toss all this irrelevant (useful, but not to you) stuff! We are what we think about - so don't clutter up your thoughts with a bunch of debris from the past. I'm sorry your parents laid all that stuff on you - and your brother's comment made me sad. But who says you have to continue the pattern? Cut it right here; right now. Actually, you've already started. Hey, there's a resource guide in the back of the book for how to recycle/give away just about anything - so you can feel good about it - especially if someone else can use your stuff. Except for the undies, of course. Toss 'em.
Btw, you can call the guys at 1-800GotJunk or www.gotjunk.com and they'll come and take everything away and dispose of it properly. There are plenty of other sites like that, too.
I love chickweek, too. But I'm glad you cleared it all out. (Love the idea of putting it in pots.) So now the lettuce can breathe. Next step is for Katie to be able to breathe...
Gail
© 2013 Created by Gail Blanke.
Powered by
